Fear? What fear?

My dear, sweet Mother had a favorite saying...

"It is hard to worry about a gentle rain when you

 have been PELTED by the hail!"

For many YEARS I would CRINGE when she said this to me...because, at that time...the CONTEXT of the conversation was that I should simply stay in the abusive relationship and APPRECIATE the fact that it was NOT as bad as what she has endured. You know? The old..."At LEAST he does not hit you!" "At LEAST he is not an alcoholic!" "At least he is a good Father!" 

(That last one is a REAL JOKE- But it was how SHE SAW IT.)

In FAIRNESS, she was also fooled by the mask and the EK did his BEST to keep her illusion of him alive. What she had endured was INDEED worse that what she imagined my problems might be (through her eyes AND in REALITY) AND she was raised TWO generations back, when things were much different than they are now. 

I understand that, as I understood it then...but it still made me angry when she said it...although I never let her know that.

She has been gone for about 3 years now...and those words have taken on a different meaning to me.

It is TRULY AMAZING to me that this experience...UNDOUBTEDLY the most life altering and horrific experience I have EVER HAD....has ALSO had a few (JUST a few) good points! 

One of those good points is that most fears I ONCE had have been transformed into minor annoyances!

I no longer fear death as I did at one time. 

At ONE TIME, I had a RAT phobia and I remember, twice, being ready to ABANDON a HOME if there were rats there.

I saw a rat in my new house a week or two ago and (while I was not HAPPY to see it) I actually felt sorry for it and was loath to kill it. SUDDENLY that rat was...as it is in reality...just a little innocent animal that is simply trying to live.

I was told I had cancer a few months ago and (again, upset by this of course) I did NOT fall apart as I thought I would...but my one thought was

"I NEED to survive until my youngest children are 18

 so that they are not at his mercy!"

Amazing huh?

The evil monster and the reality of his evil has turned these issues into the minor annoyances. In comparison....that is what they are...

AFTER ALL...

"It IS hard to worry about a gentle rain when you have been PELTED by the 

hail!"

Turns out my Mother was right about that....even if not regarding the same subject!