Why it is necessary to have "Bullet Proof Certainty"...

I was asked if I believed that a TRUE Malignant Narcissist, Sociopath or Psychopath could ever understand what they have done to harm others, if they can truly believe their own lies or if I felt they could pass a lie detector. I wanted to share my answer as this is the first time I truly considered that question and how I feel about that.

I am not an expert or a psychiatrist or a therapist but I will give you my personal opinion about the abuser I lived with for decades.

• I am certain that he believes his own lies or that he believes he is justified in telling the lies because I DID SOMETHING (or someone did) that justifies his actions.
• I believe that he feels SUFFICIENTLY JUSTIFIED in his every action that he might well pass a lie detector test.
• I believe that he TRULY feels blameless in EVERY ASPECT of his life and that this is not malleable.
• I believe, in my HEART, that there is NO ONE ON THIS EARTH who could convince him he has done one thing that was NOT DESERVED, no matter how cruel or heinous or despicable..
• I believe that he is lost and there is no help for him.
• Although he claims Christianity I do not believe that his delusion will ever allow him to truly believe in God.
• Given that I believe this, there is no reason to hate him (though I hate his actions), no reason to communicate with him, no reason for him to exist in my world at all.
• I believe there is not one thing I could say or do that would affect one change in him, make him understand what he has done or clarify his disease within himself.
• I believe that there is no one else who could say or do anything to change one thought or opinion he has.
• I know there is not ONE THING he could say that I would believe.
• I know there is not one action he could take that would not CLEARLY have an ulterior motive that would serve him.
• He is lost and cannot be found.
• I don’t think there is anyone inside him to exist at all.
• He lives as an image.
• Quite sad... BUT I know I have no desire to beat my head against the wall any more.
• Reality is, I did not break him and I cannot fix him.

Why is it important what I BELIEVE?

Because it is our beliefs that guide our actions.

Once you become certain in your belief of their disorder, you can become free to leave that ghost behind.

Until then the questions and the doubts and the self-blame will keep you trapped.