The Narcissist Test

We ALL have narcissistic tendencies.....we hear it all the time. That is true if you are talking about the fact that we all need self-love and boundaries in order to survive. Without those things, we are likely to be unable to cope with life on a daily basis.

The only thing I beg to differ with about that statement is that there is a difference between acting narcissistically on occasion and BEING a NARCISSIST.

If we choose what is best for US we may see that as being selfish...but a TRUE narcissist behaves that way at all times. They never do anything else...unless they are attempting to gain something from appearing to be selfless.

I MY opinion...the two DEFINING characteristics of a truly NARCISSISTIC/Predatory individual are:

• Lack of true empathy 

and

• The absolute inability to internalize responsibility, blame or guilt

Now, I am not a psychologist or a mental health professional and I speak in terms of the N/S/P with whom I dealt. I am lucky enough to have dodged all but ONE in my lifetime (too bad my luck did not hold out).

No one knows better than we do that the predator can, and will, FAKE these attributes from time to time...but only for a PURPOSE. If you completely disregard the WORDS THEY SAY and watch their actions...it becomes crystal clear that they do not comprehend either of these things.

The abuser I dealt with was the VERY DEFINITION of a Covert, Socialized, Narcissistic, Sociopath.

Those who are currently in his "favor" would dispute this, of course...just as I WOULD HAVE when I was under his spell.

No matter....it is what it is...and it IS their turn to ride the roller coaster to Hell. My ride is over and I paid for my ticket.

The true topic of this post is that I have a very specific method that I will use, going forward, if I should EVER decide that I might want to try getting into another relationship.

No matter how fooled I was, no matter how much I tried to give him the benefit of every doubt. No matter how much he "love bombed" and "brain washed" me...and no matter how many RED FLAGS waved in the air that I CHOSE to ignore...the TRUTH is this.

Not ONCE in 20 yrs, did he ever admit being wrong about ANYTHING. Not just in OUR relationship but in his life in general. 

NOT ONCE.

Not ONCE did he express feeling GUILTY 

or say "I wish I had not done that" 

or "I guess maybe she was having a bad day and I likely over-reacted"

or "I really need to work on being more patient"

or "Maybe I did not make myself clear"

or "Maybe I should go talk to him because I might have misunderstood"

or "I got angry when I really shouldn't have"

or even "I really do not take criticism very well"

NOT A SINGLE TIME. 

He was the most self-assured, rigid, judgmental, absolutely CONFIDENT person I had ever met. 

He had NO ABILITY to see things from a different point of view...no sympathy for the "errors" of others...had absolutely no CONCEPT that any view or opinion could have merit accept for his own. 

This did not change AFTER the honeymoon, love bombing period. This is just what he is, what he always was and all he knows how to ever be. I now know this to be a VERY BIG red flag.

So, for me, I will ask one question of anyone I ever even THINK about getting involved with. For ME, this is the question that will tell me what I need to know.

"Thinking back on your life, what is one wrong think you have done to hurt someone else that you have felt guilt about since that time and that you wish you could go back and undo?"

Yes, indeed, some of them might be able to think up some lie/story pretty quick...but if they are truly covert predators, lacking all guilt and empathy, you can bet the story will likely come with a "but I did it because..." or "I wouldn't have done it if..." At least in the case of  a predator such as the one I dealt with. Likely they will have to think long and hard to try to manipulate things to make themselves appear to be the victim in some way.

I can think of at least three things, off the top of my head, just in my teens and 20's alone. 

I lay you odds that the predator I dealt with would be speechless...