Fallacy number 1-
“Always remember…there is his side, there is her side and THEN THERE IS THE TRUTH. The truth always lies somewhere in the middle”
How many times have we each repeated this? How many of us grew up believing this very strongly? Sorry to say, it is PATENTLY UNTRUE.
OK. Say you have lived in Arizona your entire live. You have never left the state for more than a short vacation. You went to school in Arizona, all the way through College. You have neither applied for college or attended any other college in any other school other than the one you graduated from in ARIZONA.
Say the abuser goes and tells many people (over a long period of time…often repeating this story several times to increase its believability), that you actually attended school in Georgia at one point. You had flunked out and did not like to talk about it because it really embarrasses you. Perhaps it was because you suffered some kind of mental breakdown. Became suicidal perhaps. Those being told this have NO REASON to question its validity. I mean “WHY would the abuser make up such an unimportant lie? What would be the purpose? None that you can see. The abuser carefully warns you NEVER to attempt to discuss this with you. The abuser warns “She is always right on the edge…and she might just be pushed over the edge. It would be CRUEL for you to bring up such a traumatic event that has no bearing on TODAY”.
Funny thing is, no one ever ASKS or CONSIDERS WHY the abuser would bring this up! If it is so traumatic and does not matter now…what was the purpose of discussing it at all?! This person is supposed to love you! Well, of COURSE! He/she is simply TRYING TO PROTECT YOU! That is the conclusion of most normal people.
Your friend casually mentions, one day, that the abuser said that you had once spent some time in Georgia. Something that you deny. Not angrily but with great conviction. You have NEVER even BEEN to Georgia! Your friend, seeing your reaction, becomes quiet, convinced that this event was very difficult for you and trying not to “push you over the edge”.
This is simply confirmation, to your friend that the abuser is correct. You are willing to lie about it….and that you are “on the edge”. Your friend may begin to decrease the time she spends with you. After all, if you cannot be honest with her about such a small thing…maybe you really do not consider her a friend.
You are now seen as a liar and a mental wreck who is apt to go “over the edge” any time.
THAT WAS THE PLAN!
Where does the “Truth in the middle” come into this scenario?