Double Dose Anyone?

Thought I might share a little on the issues with having, not only, a Narcissistic Spouse but a Narcissistic MIL. 

This, Dear Friends, is TRUE HELL! 

The EK was the GOLDEN CHILD of a MAJOR NARC MOTHER. 

He had one brother who was, of course, the scapegoat. His brother went NC with the NQB (Narcissistic Queen Biatch) nearly 20 years ago. He figured out that his life would NEVER BE NORMAL as long as SHE was in it. 

SMART MAN! 

Not saying he (the scapegoat) was NOT affected by his trauma. I venture to say that he is a little OCD and he is DEFINITELY controlling and depressive BUT he is NOT a narc.

The day I met the NQB for the first time, she said “You REALLY ARE stupid aren’t you?!” and she SMIRKED. 

The same SMIRK I would become VERY FAMILIAR with on the face of the EK. You know, the one they put on so they can say “I was JUST kidding! You are WAY too sensitive!” when you KNOW they were NOT KIDDING?

I tried for 10 years to make this woman respect me. She never did. 

Below is a list of some of the things the NQB did while I was trying to “win her over”.

She did not like the fact that my Mother was a kind and generous woman, so she tormented her constantly! She made of total lies about her to rile up the EK….for example…he told the EK that my Mother (who lived with us for about 8 years), during the day when we were not home, would open all the windows and doors to PURPOSELY raise the electric bill (we lived in Florida). 

The QNB REALLY hated my Mother and she took every opportunity to start trouble…and if there wasn’t one…she made one up!

Looking back, I heard my Mother apologize to her when she had done nothing wrong…MANY TIMES.

The NQB also like to tell lies about my older sons. The EK BELIEVED every word she said no matter how LITTLE sense it made.

The NQB liked to lie about me to others as well…and to the EK.  She told such stories about me that an Aunt wrote a letter to the EK, one that I was NOT meant to see…telling him that a DOG is a better Mother than I was and that I was going to turn my children into juvenile delinquents if he did not DO SOMETHING to STOP ME. My older sons have NEVER been in trouble…actually, were quite easy to deal with! This was courtesy of the lies the NQB LIVED to tell.

This was my life for almost 10 years, fighting to convince the EK that his mother had a screw loose! 

Nope…he did not believe it until she got around to HIM!

About 10 years in…that changed. She was caring for the young twins that the EK and I shared. BAD IDEA!  They were old enough to remember and have stated she attempted to coach them to tell lies and to turn them against me…saying terrible things about my older sons and I, as well as my Mother. 

She finally outright ACCUSED me of being INSANE and being a danger to my children. She also stated that she was of the opinion that my teenage sons were RAPING the twins. 

I had HEARD ENOUGH!

I did NOT know what to call it and I had not yet come to the conclusion that I was MARRIED to her TWIN…but I saw that she was PERFECTLY willing to get my sons ARRESTED when they had done NOTHING in order to be in control! 

I saw that she was INSANE!

I put my foot down and, of COURSE, the EK said I was over reacting…but even HE KNEW that my twins were NOT being raped by my older sons. When he tried to speak to her about the seriousness of these accusations…she turned on HIM. 

She told him that if he was going to refuse to DO ANYTHING ABOUT ME…then perhaps he was not fit to have the children EITHER and she was considering getting an ATTORNEY to take custody of them from BOTH OF US.

He decided that he would go NC with her as well. I have to admit, I did threaten to leave, for the safety of my older sons if he did not stand with me…so, of course, “I FORCED him to stop speaking to her” (Not his fault!) After about a year, I suggested that if he could STAND UP TO HER and refuse to BUY INTO HER LIES…that might not be necessary…but he was RESOLUTE. 

They were NC for about 5 years.

THEN came the DISCARD! 

My twins, remembering EXACTLY what she was like had NO DESIRE to see her…as a matter of fact, one of them was TERRIFIED OF HER.  But, once I was discarded, the EK made up with “Mommy” and went running back crying about how I “would not let him speak to her!” and it was ME who “caused the problem”. 

Wahhhh! Wahhhh!

And so, the ENDING of the story is that the EK and the NQB are back together again. A 50 year old man and his Mommy! 

The new vic cannot UNDERSTAND how I could “be so cruel” to the NQB! 

They invited her over one day while my children were there…WITHOUT telling them. One of the twins (15 at the time) ACTUALLY had a panic attack! The new vic did her best to tell him that he had been DELUDED and that she was a nice lady! The EK tried to guilt them by saying “She is OLD and she won’t live much longer. You are going to feel so GUILTY that you feel this way about her and would not see her”. 

One twin replied “No I won’t feel guilty at all”

The EK STILL tries to force contact between the NQB and the twins…and they go, for now. NOTHING, however, is going to erase the memories that they have of her. They do not converse with her and they OBVIOUSLY do not want to be there. 

The EK is looking after his inheritance you see. Gotta stay in good with Mommy because she might have something to leave him when she goes!

This is NOT an assumption. I have HEARD the EK’s family deciding what possessions they wanted in ADVANCE of the death of a family member! 

Truly sick!

The NQB’s true colors will be revealed soon enough to the NEW VICTIM.

She will find she is in a double Hell with NO WAY TO WIN.

Maybe she will get lucky and not live long enough to suffer in that Hell for long.

Why pick now to discard?

It is nothing SHORT of fascinating the way that a skilled narcissist can blend the truth with lies! I know NO ONE ELSE who could do this so EASILY and with such PROFICIENCY! 

Just one grain of truth can render an otherwise ABSOLUTE LIE into a very useful tool for the Narcissist. Utilizing twisting, alteration, selective understanding, exaggeration, etc... a skilled predator can EASILY have you questioning whether you are truly insane!

My marriage lasted 18 years.... and the entire time (outside of MAYBE year one)...the abuser complained about our sex life. 

I was told, daily, that I was abnormal, frigid and damaged. 

HEY! Even I would admit that I was NOT a highly sexed individual...and add to THAT the constant stress, hyper-vigilance and anxiety that living with a narcissist evokes, the eggshells and broken glass I walked on constantly and my NEED to ACTIVELY IGNORE all those RED FLAGS waving around and adjust my "BLINDERS" constantly by finding a reason to EXCUSE his cruel and selfish actions...

What you GET is a person who is too CONSUMED in mind and body to be interested in sex with the man she, DAILY, watches torment her children and herself.

ADMITTED!

After 18 years...ONE DAY...he "Just could not take it anymore!"

Depending on who he was talking to...the "things he could no longer take" changed. 

Our sex life was always top of that list!

Since I HAD NOT been able to DENY that our sex life WAS unsatisfactory....this was not truly a lie...WAS it?

Of COURSE...he omitted any reason why this may have happened.
He denied having anything to do with the demise of our intimate life.
He selectively forgot to mention that he had been complaining about it for 17 years and insinuated that it was an ACUTE issue and not one that had been (by his estimation) an issue for 17 years.
He dismissed all the years when I tried (fruitlessly) to explain that the most powerful aphrodisiac...the cure to my lack of trust, increase our intimacy and render me able to feel a sense of connection with him...would have been the simple act of being KIND TO MY CHILDREN.

This ONE THING might have made a WORLD of difference because HOW can a MOTHER feel any intimacy for the man who HATES her children...who abuses them with pleasure and DELIGHTS in their torment?

How can a person whose preferences are mocked and dismissed and the expression of which drew the accusations of "Abnormal"ever RELAX?

How can an encounter that is meant to be "relaxed and loving" ever feel right when it is a STAGED SHOW requiring a "Contrived Reaction" as the price...or the sulking punishment if it is not rendered...EVER BE SPONTANEOUS?

How does a person who is TAUGHT that there cannot EVER be the most tiny suggestion that an issue MIGHT exist...because the result is nothing short of a COMPLETE BREAKDOWN of communication....EVER hope to resolve the issue?

It is an impossible situation.... and you learn to just shut up...and the issue continues.

The truth, IMHO, is that this "excuse" while NOT ENTIRELY UNTRUE...was just that...an excuse.

What changed that made it tolerable for 17 years but intolerable for ONE DAY LONGER?

The truth is that when I was finally unable to cope anymore and I was totally drained and living every day without hope and without the desire to even LIVE AT ALL...the issue of sex was not truly relevant at all.

The issue was that I had lost my ability to see him as he wanted to be seen.
To praise him as he needed to be praised.
To close my eyes to what I was seeing any longer and heap praises on him.
To worship every thing he did...to give him credit for things that others do daily...for being a normal HUMAN BEING.

In short, I was not able to feed him any longer.

While I still did not FIGHT him...he still ran the house without any input from anyone else...he still did as he wanted...he still conducted his sexual affairs. 

But despite all that....I began to SEE that it was HOPELESS. 
I began to see what he was and that he would NEVER be anything else.

In seeing this, while I was able to remain silent in words... I was unable to hide the fact that I knew I was living with someone who was USING ME and I CEASED to be able to pretend that he was "Mr. Wonderful".

In essence, I CEASED TO SUPPLY HIM!

He was, literally STARVED OUT.

All else was an illusion.

Unforgivable?

In conversation with my Brother this AM...I was thinking about the power to forgive. You cannot FORCE or FAKE TRUE FORGIVENESS...can you? I mean...to be real it has to be FELT. SAYING you have forgiven someone and still carrying the fact that you truly CANNOT forgive them in your heart...is being just as "fake" as the abusers...Isn't it? IMHO, THAT is why many survivors balk at being told that FORGIVING is a requirement of recovery! 

I do not believe that it is and many experts have said that MOST of us do, INDEED, have LIMITS to what we CAN forgive....THINGS that we consider to be simply UNFORGIVABLE! 

I recognize when I (personally) met the limit of my ability to FORGIVE the EK. I wanted to share that with you guys....

I did not fall over that "edge" based on the EK's abuse of my older children...although it was heinous. I think that is because I blamed myself for allowing it as I blamed the EK for DOING IT.

I did not fall over that edge based on his abuse of me...
I did not fall over that edge based on his cheating...
I did not fall over based on his desire to divorce me and walk away...
I did not fall over based on his discard of me...

INDEED...I did not even ask him NOT to divorce me, did not ask him to stay...did not even object. In TRUTH...my response to his statement that he wanted to divorce was, PRECISELY this..."If that's what you want."

THROUGH ALL THE HEINOUS acts that followed...I was STILL on THIS SIDE of that "edge". ANGRY for SURE...but NOT OVER THE EDGE.

As a matter of fact...even AFTER all that...when he refused to leave the house, refused to help pay any bills, lived off me DIRECTLY for over 3 months...terrorizing us all by SNEAKING into the house and just APPEARING there unexpectedly.... carrying his (ever present) loaded gun, eating the FOOD THAT I BOUGHT and sleeping in MY BED while I camped out on the couch...getting dressed for DATES in my bedroom...

I REMAINED perched on that edge.

Bought steaks one night and even bought the EK one!

Even through his vandalism of our cable, well pump and pool...that he was NOT responsible to help to pay repairs on (Thanks to my stupid lawyer)...still was not driven OVER!

THAT POINT...

MY LIMITATION...

was when he tore off that LAST REMAINING scrap of mask and turned on OUR CHILDREN. 

At THAT PRECISE POINT IN TIME...he became subhuman in my eyes. 

I could imagine nothing lower.

THAT, to ME, was (and remains) UNFORGIVABLE and I do not believe that will ever change.

There will be no "polite interaction".

There will be no "amicable communication"

There will be no joint interaction with our adult children...not EVER.

I will tolerate interaction of any kind for ONLY AS LONG as I must...until our children's 18th birthday.

At that point...THEY will determine what he knows of their lives.


He will get no information about them from ME (unlike the way I would alert my first ex husband of issues with OUR adult sons)

The very last HOPE of any VESTIGE of humanity I might have tried to see in him...DIED THAT DAY.

The man I THOUGHT I was married to was DEAD in my eyes...and not worth a single moment of the rest of my life...

ACCEPT, of COURSE...the time I spend telling the truth about what he is and helping others see that they are not alone! THAT TIME I am QUITE WILLING to SPEND!

A PERSONAL NOTE to the EK...my VERY OWN STALKER!

Salutations EK!

I wanted to assure you that you WILL continue to have the opportunity to read about yourself! 

I will NEVER be SILENCED! 

I will continue to tell your TRUE STORY just as YOU will continue to tell your LIES. 

While you have done your level BEST to shut the TRUTH away...let me assure you that this will NEVER HAPPEN. 

I spent MANY years trying to believe the best about you and MANY YEARS covering up your lies to others.

THAT IS DONE. 

For every one of "you" there are MULTIPLE SURVIVORS that have been ABUSED by your kind.

YOU DESERVE to be EXPOSED for what you truly are...and I will continue, to this end, as long as I have breath in my body! 

Ciao!

PS. Just ONE MORE THING.

  Since my mortal demise IS inevitable...I have taken great care to document, very carefully...and stockpile away, ALL THE TRUTH regarding you ALONG WITH the absolute documented evidence of your "misdeeds". 
One day, when you, ONCE AGAIN, drop your mask....your NEW VICTIM(S) will be able to refer back and see that THEY ARE NOT alone or CRAZY. 

That should be helpful in THEIR recovery from your psychological terrorism and, also,to assist "younger people" to recover from the lifetime of THERAPY, self doubt and confusion that you have made necessary!

EVEN WHEN I AM GONE...neither my words, the evidence OR the truth will be going with me! 

What happens to the "Golden Child" when they are NOT GOLDEN anymore?

SO, after the EK was gone from our home for about 2 months…one of my twins confided in me that he is “trans-gendered”. 

NOT JUST his CHILD but the "GC"...the GOLDEN CHILD! 

The great white HOPE! 

CLONE of perfection...never at fault! 

THE EK's CHOSEN and, to whom, all others PALE IN COMPARISON!

My son stated he had known for several YEARS but had hidden it because he “WAS AFRAID” of what the EK would do! Now that he was SAFE from the EK (for the majority of the time anyway) he was letting me know and gauging what I would do…in the way of accepting this. 

The EK is a rabid homophobe and had TOLD OUR SON’s…SINCE BIRTH…that they would be “BETTER off DEAD than GAY!” and that “Homosexuals are an abomination to God and will go straight to HELL!” 

I had an open conversation with my son and explored what he was feeling and his understanding of this subject. TRUTHFULLY, I was not truly convinced at that time…but thought it was likely “trauma” or, perhaps, that he was Gay and, in his mind, it would be better for GOD to have made a mistake than to admit he might be GAY. 

The ending of the conversation was that I told him I would ALWAYS LOVE HIM and that was NOTHING he could DO or BE that would change that. 

My FINAL word of CAUTION was “If I were you, I would NOT TELL YOUR FATHER!” For little while…he did not tell his Father…but he did tell anyone else who would listen (within my family)….and he was SO emboldened by the acceptance of me and the members of my family…that he was QUITE DETERMINED that he would HIDE NO MORE!

FULLY expecting the rejection of his Father…he announced his news. First it was laughed at as a joke by the EK…and he made fun of my son behind his back. Then it was treating my son like an idiot…mental defective. 

My SON who…by the way…is tested as gifted with an IQ in the neighborhood of 145. 

Then the EK accused ME of “putting our son up to saying this just to screw with him”….

That went on…along with degrading remarks and ignoring the whole issue…for a few MONTHS…

BUT…THINKING AHEAD…like the EK always DOES….he HAD to find a way to appear “supportive” at the upcoming child custody hearing! 

Courts are INTO NOT discriminating, or supporting the discrimination of, people who are not traditional in their sexuality at this current time. I am CERTAIN that he was “clued in” by his LAWYER that any mention of an issue with our sons, self-professed, sexual identity…was going to be SEEN, by the COURT…in a VERY BAD LIGHT…so he SIMPLY put on another mask….

He convinced my son that he had ACCEPTED his gender as being “wrong” and that he believed and ACCEPTED that our son would, one day, be female.…

all the while the EK was sending me repeated emails stating that our son was OBVIOUSLY MENTALLY ILL….of COURSE…from MY SIDE of the genetics…because NO ONE IN HIS FAMILY is either GAY or MENTALLY ILL and that by SUPPORTING him in this “insanity”… 

I WAS GUILTY OF RUINING MY SON'S LIFE!

Flash forward…my son is NOT one to let anything stand in his way…he began dressing as a female (While at HOME) and ALSO began pushing the limits at the EK’s house…during COURT FORCED VISITS that, if my sons refused to attend…would have been punished by ME BEING JAILED. 

The EK…looking to that upcoming court date…did not stop him….but HID HIM inside the house and was ashamed of him… making him HIDE when “other people” came in…etc. 

I had placed my son in treatment with a specialty Psychiatrist in order to try to determine if this belief was REACTIVE from the trauma…or if he truly did feel this way and would be likely to pursue this. After seeing him several times, she told me that, while no one could say for CERTAIN if he might change his mind at some point…. she was of the opinion that, at his age, it would be VERY RARE from him to claim to be transgendered…be willing to risk the PUBLIC ridicule associated with that…if he did not TRULY BELIEVE HE HAD Gender Identity Disorder.

The EK went to speak to her about it which TOTALLY freaked her out … as he behaved in a very threatening manner and dropped his MASK of “swell guy” at her front door and came in with his TRUE “personality”. She called my 5 minutes after they left and wanted to know “WHO to call” because she believed him to be “an unhinged psychopath and she feared for the safety of my son”. I was told, by my attorney, that the court would REQUIRE the permission of BOTH PARENTS in order to allow her to TESTIFY and, there was NO WAY that the EK was going to be “THAT STUPID”…

TRUE THAT!

I began not objecting to my son going into public as a female when with ME, but my son and I agreed that the PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE of this…especially in HIGH SCHOOL (and in this area –which is NOT a tolerant area) could be disastrous/dangerous and, possibly (as so sadly, recently illustrated in Tampa) life threatening!….so he dressed ONLY when very unlikely to run into anyone who might “out him” at school.

You see, all the while….the EK desired that I DO SOMETHING TO STOP THIS and tell my son that it was “ridiculous”…while HE would keep up the appearance of “acceptance” and blame any resulting issues on ME….

To THIS END.. he did EVERYTHING he could to figure out a way to utilize “guilt”, “fear for my child”, “Threats” and, of course PREY on TWO of my HOT BED TRIGGERS (fear of being a BAD MOTHER…and fear of being “CRAZY”) to force me into the role of “logical domineering, pushy, intolerant Mother”.

THIS DIDN”T work….because I have FINALLY COME TO REALIZE(contrary to what the EK trained me to feel…over all those years) that I am my children’s MOTHER…they are not my CLONES…not mine to CONTROL…MY IDENTITY does NOT hinge on their behavior….or choices. 

AS THEIR MOTHER, however, I love them and WHOA be it to ANYONE who tries to HARM THEM when I am around!

If this is IMPORTANT enough to my 16 year old child…important enough that he SEES the stares…HEARS the remarks…KNOWS he is being laughed at by some people….and he is STILL STRONG ENOUGH TO WALK AROUND WITH HIS HEAD HELD HIGH….and FACE THAT with grace…I WILL BE SUPPORTIVE of his MASSIVE STRENGTH OF CHARACTER that I, myself, have never possessed and I will walk by his side.

Upon seeing people staring or pointing….I simply turn to them slowly….look at them...meet their eyes…pause for a moment, flash a smug smile…and then go on my way. 

I give them TIME to decide whether they TRULY WANT to CHANCE saying something to EITHER of us…and you know what….they never have yet!

PROBABLY…a very SOUND DECISION on their part….

Recently, my son decided to push a step FURTHER and try to go into public….with the EK…dressed as a female. 

Needless to say…the EK’s head was SPINNING because he ABSOLUTELY DID NOT want to take our son out dressed as a female. (BTW…he is NOT one of those “pretty boys” who might “pass” but is very OBVIOUSLY a 16 year old boy dressed as a girl)….

BUT the EK was STILL NEEDING to APPEAR to be FATHER OF THE YEAR…supportive…accepting….there for his sons no matter what….for that UPCOMING COURT DATE!

What to do…what to do?

How is the EK going to make this about ME doing something wrong….about MY feelings and CHOICES being the issue…about MY RESPONSES being UNCLEAR….about the facade he wants to display….the farce that the EK is “Totally accepting” but that it is “YOUR MOTHER” who is struggling with the acceptance?

Let’s see…sure the EK’s wheels were spinning….

·        

    How can the EK CONVINCE our son of the LIE that he is NOT ASHAMED …but TRANSFORM that FACT into “a lie” and a misunderstanding in the eyes of our son?

·        

    How can the EK hide the TRUTH that he is, not only ashamed but AFRAID to be seen in public with his son who is NOT WHAT HE WANTS HIM TO BE?

·   How can the EK hide the fact that, in REALITY, he is TERRIFIED that someone they might run into WILL start some crap…and he MIGHT HAVE TO DEFEND HIS SON….emotionally or, worse yet…PHYSICALLY!

·   How can the EK hide THE REAL TRUTH , from his sons, THAT their FATHER is a NOTHING but a COWARDLY CLOWN who TALKS really BRAVE and LOVES to talk shit…but who is ACTUALLY TERRIFIED of other men?

·   How can the EK spin this to WIN in court…despite the fact that we are ALL aware (accept maybe the Judge)…that his “acceptance” and his “tolerance” will EVAPORATE…when COURT is NO LONGER an issue?

·    How can the EK arrange it so that when he, once again, feels free to attempt to change our son “back to NORMAL”…decides to threaten…attempt to frighten…deride and shame our son into COMPLIANCE…and when he is free to, once again, threaten our son with DAMNATION and “the wrath of GOD” in order to obtain his SURRENDER to a life that would be a total lie…but come out looking like my sons “Best friend”…and his only source of refuge from his “insane Mother”?

When is that next EXORCISM schedule at the “horse church”…so they can get rid of this "AFFLICTION" and turn him back into a "little toy soldier"...eager to please...compliant...and "NORMAL"..."

Back into the CLONE of perfection? 

We will see how long that takes once the need to APPEAR SUPPORTIVE for the Judge is no more...and that mask is no longer needed....

What IS RELIGIOUS ABUSE? (EK style)

I share a set of (now 16 yr. old) twin sons with the EK. 

The EK portrays himself as a “Fundamentalist Christian” BUT behaves in ways that completely contradict this claim. He uses his religion only when it is to his advantage…but quickly justifies his “less than Christian” behavior by telling others this HIS situation is “DIFFERENT” and that I am “SO CRAZY and SO EVIL that I FORCE him fight ME like a demon”. HE would be willing to “JUST GET ALONG” and he just “does NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I am so nasty and vengeful” and also does NOT UNDERSTAND “How I could put our son’s THROUGH THIS”

….OH…of COURSE…it is because “I lost him and I am jealous and if I had treated him right he would NEVER have thought of leaving” after all he 

“Gave it his ALL for 18 years but I was simply beyond HELP and he had no choice but to move on and create a new home for our POOR CHILDREN…a REAL HOME”.

You see…as he told our sons last year…

”He DID THIS FOR THEM!”

When the one who was more verbal called “BS” and asked EXACTLY HOW this has “benefited THEM?!” he was told, 

“Someday you will understand…you are too young to have this discussion…PARTICULARLY about your MOTHER. You just go ahead and love her and just wait…you will eventually see…that I did this for YOU! One day you will see how you’re Mother REALLY IS and you will understand that this was NOT MY FAULT”

NOW HERE IS THE KICKER!

The EK SO CONVINCED a “Church” full of people that I am, not ONLY INSANE…but that I neglect my children and that I am the DEVIL INCARNATE…that he managed to get the PASTOR to state that he 

“Needed to move on because he needed a “Godly” mate in order to become what GOD intends him to be! 

HE GOT THE PASTOR TO TELL HIM THAT HE NEEDED TO LEAVE ME! 

HE did not decide at ALL, you see, the PASTOR ADVISED HIM to give up….

HE IS IN THE CLEAR! 

NOT ONLY the PASTOR…but the PASTOR is saying that GOD HIMSELF wanted the EK to discard me so that he could MOLD him into what GOD WANTS HIM TO BE. 

LOL!

The EK does not BELIEVE in GOD (unless he believes that HE IS God)! 

I have seen him put this “mask” on THREE TIMES when he needed it to achieve his goal…. and then remove it just as suddenly.

THAT is why I do not have the aversion to Christianity that some others feel. 

I do NOT blame all religion or all Christians for the EK's DECEIT.

IMHO, it would be like dressing up a PIG as a COW and then claiming that all COWS roll in the mud… when you were ACTUALLY looking at a PIG all along! 

TOTALLY ILLOGICAL to me!

Such is the delusion of a text book, covert, charming, Sociopathic Narcissist! 

Do you see what he has done there? 

REALLY QUIT CLEVER…and EVIL….

He has, first, blamed ME for this issue….that worked on the outsiders…but not on those who SAW WHAT HAPPENED…such as my children. 

Next he switched to saying it was my “mental instability” that he could no longer deal with it and he told my children that, though they might not see it NOW…they surely would! 

Still not HIS FAULT!

Then he tried to convince the children that THEY, somehow…or Rather his DESIRE to PROTECT them…was the cause of the break-up. 

Got to give the EK CREDIT…that MIGHT have worked if the kids had been a little younger and had not seen him “drop his mask”!

THEN, finally, he was ACTUALLY able to get a PASTOR (of questionable repute and with no TRAINING at all) but who still bills himself as a PASTOR and the leader of a “Church” to VERBALLY STATE that he had NO CHOICE but to discard me”. He convinced the congregation…with the support of the Pastor (whose boots the EK licked and whose words the EK fawned over)  and the new (very well respected) Victim who is a long standing member of the congregation….that I tried to have him killed…that I am crazy…that I have threatened him…etc. etc.

Later, if needed…he can tell our children that he was “led astray” by a bad Pastor and he is ...

STILL NOT AT FAULT!

He was SET! When he FORCED our sons to go with him to the CHURCH…their discomfort was NOT due to the fact that they were witnessing totally hypocritical and ridiculous behavior by their FATHER…NOT that they had been FORCED to be there…NOT that they were EMBARRASSED by his behavior and utterly MORTIFIED at the fact they had been DRAWN INTO his two year affair by being taken on DATES with this woman…and believing she was “just a church friend”… HAD NEVER MENTIONED THIS TO ME.

OF COURSE NOT!

Their “obvious discomfort” was a sign that I WAS “filling their head full of lies”….THAT I am “ungodly” “mentally disturbed” and that I WAS “mistreating them and trying to alienate him from the LOVING CHRISTIAN MAN”.

They RALLIED around him!

Several offered to TESTIFY in court that I was an UNFIT mother based on HIS LIES. MOST had, not only, never MET ME…but they never even talked to MY SONs.

Chief offering to testify was the PASTOR!

Now, in order to make the claim that he believed, and had witnessed, that I was “unfit” he would have HAD TO SWEAR ON A BIBLE UNDER OATH TO something that he KNEW that he NEVER SAW! 

Even if he was CONVINCED it was true…to say he witnessed it was a BOLD FACED LIE….because I had been in his presence for 10 minutes in TOTAL.

The EK is TRULY, masterful at deceit and can convince others of NEARLY ANYTHING!

THE EK HAD his POWER…

.

Because not only HE said he was right…

not only his new victim and his crazy, enabling, family…

NOT ONLY THE PASTOR and congregation of his “Church”….

GOD HIMSELF KNEW that I was simply “UNACCEPTABLE” and deserved what was to come.

I DESERVED to be TOTALLY DESTROYED…

and the EK PROMISED to PERSONALLY see that I WAS destroyed!

WHY NARCISSISTS CHEAT...narcopaths cheat prolifically...here's why

What I say here applies to both sexes even if I mention only one...say a man, but it applies EQUALLY TO WOMEN.

This will explain what narcopaths are like and why they cheat, and needless to say, if either sounds familiar, you need to get far, far away from them.

All narcopaths this in common, that they USE PEOPLE like an object, for their own benefit. I've often written about the lack of empathy both have, and, well, you don't empathize with an object, do you? They don't recognize any importance to your feelings (except as they inconvenience themselves, or if you are a pain in the *ss). I have also said they treat their partners like sex toys, and that's because all people are like toys to them, to be used for their own pleasure and gratification, and disguarded without guilt.

They are after whatever makes them feel good NOW, not what's good or right. It's their own immediate gratification that's the gold standard for them, and that's YOUR purpose in life as far as they are concerned, so that's why they ruin lives, and why their values are never in line with yours, though they will con you into believing otherwise if they can.

The person you are/were with is a narcissist if he/she is something like this: They have a sense of being special, that people should recognize that, and they have a sense of entitlement to recognition and to worldly goods. Your purpose is to be a source of narcissistic supply, giving him/her what is needed, and if not, they are very disappointed/discontented, and they may get angry, upset, or passive- aggressive with you. A narcissist desperately needs to drain others of their approval and attention...which often, as we will see, leads them to cheat.

Narcopaths have the rough emotional life of a vampire, and they are like hunters, seeking who they can exploit and use, without any feelings of remorse, or any sense of ethics. Or, you might consider them to be like one of the people in the show about gold mining in Alaska....except, they are mining for what they want in people, and it has no more emotional content.

Some people mistakenly believe that narcopaths are in jail, or are killers, but that's a mistake. In fact, many are:

**Married with families

**Have extramarital/non monogamous relationships frequently, or compulsively

**They are skilled liars and manipulators, both to their spouse/SO, and to their affair partner. It's not unusual, as I said in a post about a guy I knew, for them to have the view, “My wife is married, but I'm not” when talking to same sex friends, and as I said, they may act married only when they are at home, and single when they are out and about. They may refer to their spouse as “the mother/father of my children”, and have stories about being split up from their ex but needing to live in the same house, but not sleeping with their wife. This is quite common.

**Have developed skills to evade detection, and some take extraordinary measures to avoid being caught. Never the less, some do get caught.

**If they are confronted with evidence or suspicion of cheating, whether obvious or circumstantial, they attack the person, expressing outrage, or calling the person crazy or paranoid, putting you on the defensive and never actually dealing with the problem....or they give very unsatisfactory answers that don't really work, but they demand that they be accepted with strong anger as a penalty if you don't.

Another thing I've often noted is that narcissistic cheaters have an amazing level of rationalization. Rationalization means mentally taking something you know is wrong or off base, and re-characterizing (reframing) it in a way that makes it seem much more acceptable, or even virtuous. Example: the guy I met who claimed that cheating was good for his marriage. This is an ACE rationalizer.

Narcopaths cheat because they can...they take what they want because they want them, and there is no moral issue involved as far as they are concerned. Since he recognizes no rules, there can be no violation and no wrong....the rules don't apply to him, and narcopaths are indifferent to the damage they do to innocent people.

To a narcopath, cheating is like a game where he maneuvers the woman into giving him what he wants and it has no special meaning to him, though he will do everything to make you think otherwise....they are consummate con men. You will notice that to a narcopath they are thinking by having sex with many others, “Hey, I've still got it, I'm good looking. I'm irresistible.”

All narcopaths have many things in common, as you see, but the thing that's most important is that they all wreak havoc and destruction on the lives of the innocent, and they only way to deal with them once you have discovered that they are this way is to get far, far away from them.....NO CONTACT, immediately and totally.