SO, after the EK was gone from our home for
about 2 months…one of my twins confided in me that he is “trans-gendered”.
NOT JUST his CHILD but the "GC"...the GOLDEN CHILD!
The great white HOPE!
CLONE of perfection...never at fault!
THE EK's CHOSEN and, to whom, all others PALE IN COMPARISON!
My son stated he had known for several YEARS but had hidden it because he “WAS AFRAID”
of what the EK would do! Now that he was SAFE from the EK (for the majority of
the time anyway) he was letting me know and gauging what I would do…in the way
of accepting this.
The EK is a rabid homophobe and had TOLD OUR SON’s…SINCE
BIRTH…that they would be “BETTER off DEAD than GAY!” and that “Homosexuals are
an abomination to God and will go straight to HELL!”
I had an open conversation
with my son and explored what he was feeling and his understanding of this
subject. TRUTHFULLY, I was not truly convinced at that time…but thought it was
likely “trauma” or, perhaps, that he was Gay and, in his mind, it would be
better for GOD to have made a mistake than to admit he might be GAY.
The ending
of the conversation was that I told him I would ALWAYS LOVE HIM and that was
NOTHING he could DO or BE that would change that.
My FINAL word of CAUTION was
“If I were you, I would NOT TELL YOUR FATHER!” For little while…he did not tell
his Father…but he did tell anyone else who would listen (within my family)….and
he was SO emboldened by the acceptance of me and the members of my family…that he
was QUITE DETERMINED that he would HIDE NO MORE!
FULLY
expecting the rejection of his Father…he announced his news. First it was
laughed at as a joke by the EK…and he made fun of my son behind his back. Then it
was treating my son like an idiot…mental defective.
My SON who…by the way…is
tested as gifted with an IQ in the neighborhood of 145.
Then the EK accused ME
of “putting our son up to saying this just to screw with him”….
That went
on…along with degrading remarks and ignoring the whole issue…for a few MONTHS…
BUT…THINKING AHEAD…like the EK always DOES….he
HAD to find a way to appear “supportive” at the upcoming child custody hearing!
Courts are INTO NOT discriminating, or supporting the discrimination of, people
who are not traditional in their sexuality at this current time. I am CERTAIN
that he was “clued in” by his LAWYER that any mention of an issue with our
sons, self-professed, sexual identity…was going to be SEEN, by the COURT…in a
VERY BAD LIGHT…so he SIMPLY put on another mask….
He convinced my son that he had ACCEPTED his
gender as being “wrong” and that he believed and ACCEPTED that our son would,
one day, be female.…
all the while the EK was sending me repeated emails stating
that our son was OBVIOUSLY MENTALLY ILL….of COURSE…from MY SIDE of the
genetics…because NO ONE IN HIS FAMILY is either GAY or MENTALLY ILL and that by
SUPPORTING him in this “insanity”…
I WAS GUILTY OF RUINING MY SON'S LIFE!
Flash forward…my son is NOT one to let anything
stand in his way…he began dressing as a female (While at HOME) and ALSO began
pushing the limits at the EK’s house…during COURT FORCED VISITS that, if my
sons refused to attend…would have been punished by ME BEING JAILED.
The
EK…looking to that upcoming court date…did not stop him….but HID HIM inside the
house and was ashamed of him… making him HIDE when “other people” came in…etc.
I had placed my son in treatment with a specialty Psychiatrist in order to try
to determine if this belief was REACTIVE from the trauma…or if he truly did
feel this way and would be likely to pursue this. After seeing him several
times, she told me that, while no one could say for CERTAIN if he might change
his mind at some point…. she was of the opinion that, at his age, it would be
VERY RARE from him to claim to be transgendered…be willing to risk the PUBLIC ridicule
associated with that…if he did not TRULY BELIEVE HE HAD Gender Identity Disorder.
The EK went to speak to her about it which
TOTALLY freaked her out … as he behaved in a very threatening manner and
dropped his MASK of “swell guy” at her front door and came in with his TRUE
“personality”. She called my 5 minutes after they left and wanted to know “WHO
to call” because she believed him to be “an unhinged psychopath and she feared
for the safety of my son”. I was told, by my attorney, that the court would
REQUIRE the permission of BOTH PARENTS in order to allow her to TESTIFY and,
there was NO WAY that the EK was going to be “THAT STUPID”…
TRUE THAT!
I began not objecting to my son going into
public as a female when with ME, but my son and I agreed that the PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE
of this…especially in HIGH SCHOOL (and in this area –which is NOT a tolerant
area) could be disastrous/dangerous and, possibly (as so sadly, recently
illustrated in Tampa) life threatening!….so he dressed ONLY when very unlikely
to run into anyone who might “out him” at school.
You see, all the while….the EK desired that I
DO SOMETHING TO STOP THIS and tell my son that it was “ridiculous”…while HE
would keep up the appearance of “acceptance” and blame any resulting issues on
ME….
To THIS END.. he did EVERYTHING he could to figure out a way to utilize “guilt”,
“fear for my child”, “Threats” and, of course PREY on TWO of my HOT BED
TRIGGERS (fear of being a BAD MOTHER…and fear of being “CRAZY”) to force me
into the role of “logical domineering, pushy, intolerant Mother”.
THIS DIDN”T work….because I have FINALLY COME
TO REALIZE(contrary to what the EK trained me to feel…over all those years)
that I am my children’s MOTHER…they are not my CLONES…not mine to CONTROL…MY
IDENTITY does NOT hinge on their behavior….or choices.
AS THEIR MOTHER,
however, I love them and WHOA be it to ANYONE who tries to HARM THEM when I am
around!
If this is IMPORTANT enough to my 16 year old
child…important enough that he SEES the stares…HEARS the remarks…KNOWS he is
being laughed at by some people….and he is STILL STRONG ENOUGH TO WALK AROUND
WITH HIS HEAD HELD HIGH….and FACE THAT with grace…I WILL BE SUPPORTIVE of his
MASSIVE STRENGTH OF CHARACTER that I,
myself, have never possessed and I will walk by his side.
Upon
seeing people staring or pointing….I simply turn to them slowly….look at
them...meet their eyes…pause for a moment, flash a smug smile…and then go on my
way.
I give them TIME to decide whether they TRULY WANT to CHANCE saying
something to EITHER of us…and you know what….they never have yet!
PROBABLY…a very SOUND DECISION on their part….
Recently, my son decided to push a step FURTHER
and try to go into public….with the EK…dressed as a female.
Needless to say…the
EK’s head was SPINNING because he ABSOLUTELY DID NOT want to take our son out
dressed as a female. (BTW…he is NOT one of those “pretty boys” who might “pass”
but is very OBVIOUSLY a 16 year old boy dressed as a girl)….
BUT the EK was
STILL NEEDING to APPEAR to be FATHER OF THE YEAR…supportive…accepting….there
for his sons no matter what….for that UPCOMING COURT DATE!
What to do…what to do?
How is the EK going to make this about ME doing something wrong….about MY
feelings and CHOICES being the issue…about MY RESPONSES being UNCLEAR….about
the facade he wants to display….the farce that the EK is “Totally accepting”
but that it is “YOUR MOTHER” who is struggling with the acceptance?
Let’s see…sure the EK’s wheels were spinning….
·
How can the EK CONVINCE our son of the LIE that
he is NOT ASHAMED …but TRANSFORM that FACT into “a lie” and a misunderstanding
in the eyes of our son?
·
How can the EK hide the TRUTH that he is, not
only ashamed but AFRAID to be seen in public with his son who is NOT WHAT HE
WANTS HIM TO BE?
· How can the EK hide the fact that, in REALITY,
he is TERRIFIED that someone they might run into WILL start some crap…and he
MIGHT HAVE TO DEFEND HIS SON….emotionally or, worse yet…PHYSICALLY!
· How can the EK hide THE REAL TRUTH , from his
sons, THAT their FATHER is a NOTHING but a COWARDLY CLOWN who TALKS really
BRAVE and LOVES to talk shit…but who is ACTUALLY TERRIFIED of other men?
· How can the EK spin this to WIN in
court…despite the fact that we are ALL aware (accept maybe the Judge)…that his “acceptance”
and his “tolerance” will EVAPORATE…when COURT is NO LONGER an issue?
· How can the EK arrange it so that when he, once
again, feels free to attempt to change our son “back to NORMAL”…decides to
threaten…attempt to frighten…deride and shame our son into COMPLIANCE…and when
he is free to, once again, threaten our son with DAMNATION and “the wrath of
GOD” in order to obtain his SURRENDER to a life that would be a total lie…but come out looking like my sons “Best friend”…and his only source of
refuge from his “insane Mother”?
Back into the CLONE of perfection?
We will see how long that takes once the need to APPEAR SUPPORTIVE for the Judge is no more...and that mask is no longer needed....
This is maddening to read- I'm so sorry you and your children have to endure such damaging behavior.
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