ADDICTED TO THE NARCISSIST: CHASING THE ORIGINAL HIGH

Ah, the love bombing phase. The INCREDIBLE FEELINGS. Like nothing you've ever felt before….or since. What a high! If ONLY, if only….you could just get that feeling back, everything would be wonderful!

And, it as HIM (or her...but for the sake of simplicity, I'll use the male pronouns here)...it was HIM that gave you that high. He made you feel like you were walking on clouds. But, it went away….he began to be discontent. He began to ABUSE. He pushed you away...but now and then, he'd be his “old self”.

IF ONLY THAT PERSON WOULD COME TO STAY. He's telling you that you're the problem. You've changed, not him. He gives you the silent treatment. IF ONLY you could just get back to the beginning and stay there, everything would be fine. And, occasionally, he does love bomb you...for a while. But, it's illusive….it comes, and goes.

Maybe you've already been discarded, and then, out of the blue, he texts you or calls you. He misses you. Maybe he loves you again, you think, so the feelings come flooding back. You know YOU'RE in love...but are you? Or, are you ADDICTED TO A FEELING, and so, addicted to the person who gave you that feeling. Maybe...just consider it….that you're TRAUMA BONDED.

Is that incredible HIGH actually love? Regardless of your religious persuasion, let me say that love is a VERB….as described here: Love is very patient and kind, not unreasonably jealous, and not selfish, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and won't keep score when it comes to wrongs.  It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.  If you love someone, you will be faithful to them no matter what. Love never gives up, and always patiently resolves problems. Love...never fails.

Love is not mainly a feeling, but feelings come from love...love that is really love. It's a beautiful feeling, calm and confident, deep and lasting. It's there, day in and day out. It's the kind of love that raises kids, buys a home, builds absolute trust with total transparency.

But, it's not constant drama. It's not those crazy feeling of insecurity, and it's not wondering if the other person is unfaithful. It's not on and off.

It's not that feeling of craving a fix from the other person. It's a feeling of contentment that you always have the other, and always will.

So, if you're chasing that HIGH, you're not chasing Love. You're chasing an addiction that you need to break, like any other addiction. You're trauma bonded. That's not love. That's a 12 step program to get over it. It's no contact (minimal if you have kids). It's not “narc dipping”...watching the narcs FB page, taking and responding to texts, keeping old pictures, etc...that's “chipping” on your addiction.

And, it's agonizing to go through withdrawal. But, it will destroy your life as easily as shooting crank.