THE “RELIGIOUS” NARCISSIST….

If you have had the unfortunate experience of being in a relationship with a narcissist with religious pretensions, you know how difficult and confusing it can be. The narc spouts scripture and postures as “holy”, and they use religion to create a veneer of “godliness”.

Now, I've read various articles on the topic that seem to miss the point, which is, that a religious narcissist will just drive you crazy with their constantly letting you know how much better they are than you, or anyone else, for that matter. There is no situation for which they won't butt in with some scripture quote, and no conversation that won't soon turn into a sermon, just to let you know that while you have mundane, everyday concerns like whether you need to buy milk, their mind is on “the things of God”.

This only serves to prove that there is NOTHING that the narcissist can't screw up and make a mess of.

Even the fairly normal process of raising kids becomes so darn tedious when you have to listen to the religious BS, when you're really talking about the homecoming game and dance.

Why does the narcissist act so religious when they are in fact immoral, liars, and abusive? Well, what better a facade than that? They certainly fool a lot of people, as we find out during a divorce, when the narcissist has been having an affair and manages to convince those in their congregation that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM, and that you are impeding their ability to “serve God”.

I was personally stunned by the reaction of the congregation to my NarcX...they believed EVERYTHING she had to say, including that I was the abusive one, and that I was dangerous and mentally unstable, despite the fact that NOTHING I had ever done would make anyone believe that....and given that my NarcX was the abusive one, was abusing alcohol and drugs, was cheating, lying, and not coming home until very late, and then, drinking or drunk. I had to leave the congregation and go elsewhere.

My religious preference is that of a main stream Christian, and to me, if being a Christian doesn't mean actually doing as we are taught in the Bible, then it means nothing. And, my NarcX was a great one for knowing the words, quoting the bible, and acting like she was very conservative in her religious and moral behavior, but doing the VERY OPPOSITE. You know, the whole love thy neighbor thing? She wasn't interested. The sick, the poor, the down trodden, the hurting....not interested. What was she interested in? She was interesting in how people saw her...she wanted to be thought to be a good person and a devout Christian while being the very opposite.

It doesn't matter the religion, however. My NarcX converted to Reform Judaism, and I supported that, hoping she'd actually follow the teachings and change her life....I was very naive. In her life, she has also been a Baptist, a Methodist, a Lutheran, an Episcopalian, and a Catholic, at one time or another, and she always managed to adopt the OUTWARD FORMS of her current religious interest as an act without actually making any inner changes.

I could never understand how she could go to services, read the Bible, spout the verses, and yet, lie, cheat, and be abusive. The most distressing thing was how she brow beat our children using religion. As usually happens, our children became openly hostile to all religion as a result. My son, now that he lives with my now wife and I is starting to explore spirituality again. Yet, here we have a Bible verse that says if you lead a little one astray, it would be better for you if you had a rock tied around your neck and were thrown into the ocean. But, none of that had any effect on the narcissist.

And, by the way, the narcissist NEVER FELT GUILT for lying or cheating, or anything else, for that matter, and now I know that narcissists never do. Keep in mind that my NarcX hammered me legally for over 9 years, and filled the court will the most horrid and absurd lies, intentionally suing me again and again with the express purpose of destroying me and my finances, and trying to make sure my son had no father, while protecting a monstrous abuser in her own home.

Anyway, that's my experience with a religious narcissist. I bet you've got some stories you can add to these, and we'd be glad to read them, so post them below. I also know of others who have had similar experiences. One day, my wife and I looked over, across the church, and saw the ex husband of a friend, who had taken most of the assets in the marriage and hid them, and kept his ex wife, our friend, in court for 7 long years, at huge expense, rather than equitably share what they had accumulated during their marriage.

Why he was there? I couldn't imagine. Who did he think he was fooling? God? If so, that was very foolish, indeed.