HOLIDAYS AND CELEBRATIONS..AVOIDING CONTACT WITH THE NARCISSIST

IF YOU HAVE TO BE AROUND A NARCISSIST, DO THIS.....at holidays and special occasions, you may be in the same place as a narcissist, especially if you have grown kids and grandkids. We are at birthdays for our grandkids at the same time as the narcissist. Here are our rules, from hard experience:

1. STAY AWAY...stay across the room and if the narcissist starts toward you, move away and make it plain that this is unwanted.

2. COMMUNICATE YOUR BOUNDARIES to your children and to the narcissist...use email with the narc. Enforce these boundaries invariably and never allow the narcissist or one of their flying monkeys to push you into removing a boundary.

3. IF YOU SIT, SIT AWAY FROM THE NARCISSIST AND ANY FLYING MONKEY...never be drawn into a conversation with or about the narcissist or the narcissist's life.

4. NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE NARCISSIST...in fact, look the other way. This is a clear rejection of the narcissist and any hoovering attempts the narcissist might want to make.

5. IF THE NARCISSIST "AMBUSHES YOU" walk away. Example, you turn around, and the narcissist is right behind you, and speaks to you. Don't communicate in any way. Just calmly go speak to someone else.

6. NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SPOKEN TO ONE ON ONE by the narcissist. The narcissist may try charm, sentimentality, or any other means to talk to you by yourself, away from others. NEVER permit this for any reason. This is a clear hoover attempt, and never permit any form of hoover.

7. EXCUSE YOURSELF IF YOU HAVE TO with an excuse if the narcissist or their flying monkeys get aggressive in pushing contact on you.

We do not permit holiday celebrations with the narcissist. The narcissist can have their time, and we our time. A child's birthday party is different, and we have found these rules to work.

Needless to say, the narcissist and their flying monkeys have tried repeatedly to break these down, without success...so now, the attempts are rare and tend to be more subtle, but are always rebuffed. Don't be afraid to show anger at these attempts. We don't disrupt the event, but we make our feelings known later.