Tuesday, November 10, 2015


YOUR HEART VS YOUR MIND....it can be a tug of war after you are no longer with the narcissist.  I have heard many people say that although they KNOW what the narc is, and know that the narc is using them and is bad for them, destroying them, that they don't go no contact with the narcissist or keep the narc out of their lives because "they love" the narc.

But, do they?  The experts say that this is called a "trauma bond", and survivors need to read up on that topic.  One thing is for sure...there is NO SILVER BULLET that ends the feelings...or, if there is one, it's TIME, and moving on with your life, and maintaining strict no contact (if you have kids with the N, use minimal contact, as explained on the left side of our main page, under Notes).

To put it plainly, YOU are the one who can help you and it takes a lot of guts, and you have to be strong and resist the feeling of wanting to contact the narc, or letting the narc contact you FOR ANY REASON.  This is a time of HEAD OVER HEART...that is, you have to do what you KNOW is right and best for you, not what you feel like doing.

This is because trauma bonding is AN ADDICTION TO A PERSON, and you are having withdrawal feelings like any addict, and like any other addict, you have to resist "using" again, in this case, the narcissist.  Do counseling, or find a recovery group, which will help.  But, in the end, whether you move on to a much better life, and the love you always wanted, is up to you.

Like any addict, you may be clean and sober, so to speak, for quite some time and then, experience cravings again...6 months later, or 6 years later.  No matter.  Expect it to happen.  Take a step back, and detach and observe yourself.  Talk to yourself about it.  You can do this.  The world is full of victims who have moved on to happiness.  This forum has many.  You will be one of them.

And, by the way, the good times will NOT return...at least not for long, and the narcissist will NOT change, not for long.  You will be love bombed, then devalued and abused, then discarded, again...and again....and again....as long as you allow it...but you're smarter than that.

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