WORDS YOU SHOULD KNOW: REFRAMING

DO YOU MAKE EXCUSES FOR THE NARCISSIST'S BEHAVIOR?

DOES THE NARCISSIST? TOLERATING ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR BY REFRAMING....

This can be especially true around the holidays, but, really, it is can become a co-dependent habit in a victim. The narcissist loses their temper...you reframe... that they are just a sensitive person.

You told him that you needed more attention and more affection, and positive feedback...his reframing: you're too needy.

He's gone an unusual amount of time...he hides is phone...closes his computer when he comes into the room. It looks like cheating....she reframes like this...he just needs his space. If she gives him his space, he'll be grateful and love her more.

The narcissist slaps you while screaming at you...you reframe it as "At least the N didn't use a fist/weapon because they love me."

You work hard to keep the house clean but the narcissist doesn't help with the house or kids but engages in their hobbies instead....you reframe it as "this is how the N relaxes".

The narcissist neglects the kids and breaks promises, and the children's feeling are hurt...they feel unloved...you reframe by explaining to them that the this is the way the N loves them.

The narcissist complains about your body or your appearance....instead of realizing that the narc is being abusive, you begin a weight loss program and exercise.

No only do victims of narcissists reframe their present reality, they reframe the PAST, making excuses for past bad behavior by reinterpreting the behavior as less culpable. "He/she was younger then." "We were going though a bad time."

A narcissist can reframe by saying that people who object to the domineering behavior are "just jealous", or that the N is far smarter than the critics, or some personal attack.

Constant and intense reframing is a form of brainwashing as the narcissist reframes over and over, so as to demean and belittle you, to degrade and dominate you. Isolating you can be reframed as, "I miss you so much when you're not here." Your quite normal friends are reframed as "sluts and whores". You dress up and the N says..."are you going to wear THAT?", reframing you into having bad taste in clothing.

The narcissists engages in a horrible bout of verbal abuse, which makes you cry, and you ask how the N could do that...and it gets reframed as "you're lucky I put up with you. No one else would."

If this WAS you, thank God you got away. If it IS you, consider making a carefully thought out plan to leave once and for all. You might ask a counselor and a domestic violence shelter for advice.