DIVERSION AND DEFLECTION...CONVERSATION STOPPERS

DIVERSION, AKA, DEFLECTION...HOW THE NARCISSIST AVOIDS DISCUSSIONS AND RESPONSIBILITY....deflection is often accompanied by projection....example, you mention that the narcissist is guarding their phone and that is is suspicious.....so, the narcissist says, "So, I guess you think you're perfect.  You're so damn insecure...you're paranoid...you're jealousy is destroying our relationship. (DEFLECTION).  "You're the one who's cheating.  What about that guy at work?  Which on are you f**king?" 

This way, the issue of why the narcissist is guarding the phone is never discussed, but instead, the topic of discussion is whether you are destroying the relationship with irrational jealousy and cheating, yourself.  The narcissist will use these tactics over and over about almost every topic.

Example...my NarcX was horribly irresponsible with money.  She'd spend every cent then get a pay day loan, not occasionally, but all the time, making her money management even worse.  I'd try to make her accountable for where the money was being spent, since it was unknown, and she'd just say, "Oh, yea, like you're Mr. Perfect.  What about the time you spent money on our daughter's gym shoes?  You blew a bundle."  Me:  "I had to buy a certain Nike shoe that matched their basketball uniforms, and it wasn't that much, and besides, it was in the open.  I have no idea where you're spending money."  Her:  "Now you're being controlling.  You're abusive.  You want to control everything I do."  Me:  "I just want to make some sense out of your spending.  I'd like you to stick to a budget."  Her:  "See.  You think because you're a man you should control all the money. Typical."  And on and on.

Notice that none of what she was saying was true.  It was a matter of her blowing money left and right who know where and having no money left for bills and necessities, and then, borrowing money when in fact, there was easily enough money to pay everything and have plenty left over.  Rather than account for it, or controlling her spending, she just engaged in deflection, and projection (accusing me of doing what she is doing). 

Because of this, no discussion with my NarcX, about any topic at all, ever made sense, and no issue ever got resolved....EVER.  Deflection and projection are tactics used to dominate you, and control the conversation, be abusive to you, and avoid all responsibility for what the narcissist does.