FORGIVE AND FORGET, TO A NARCISSIST, MEANS "SHUT UP ABOUT MY ABUSE, LIES, AND INFIDELITY"....the narcissist is a master manipulator and knows what to say, and how to appeal to your better nature. When the narcissist says forgive and forget, the N is talking about YOU, not about themselves. It means they don't want to be held accountable and they want you to shut up about the abuse, lies, and infidelity so they can go on to new victims. It may also be done as a part of a hoover....they want you to disregard everything they've done so they can get you hooked and do it again.
The narcissist is trying to sucker you with this ploy. God says forgiveness MUST be preceded by sincere repentance and remorse, and a firm purpose never to do it again, followed by making amends to those you've injured. That is NEVER the narcissist.
The forgive and forget campaign can be carried on as a part of a smear campaign....such as the N saying they are willing to forgive and forget, but you aren't.....which leaves out that you have little or nothing to be forgiven for, whereas they are overwhelmingly the offenders and wrong doers in the relationship. The point of this tactic is to characterize you as "bitter".
Forgiveness to the narcissist means ignoring the evil they did and appeasing the narcissist. That can never be. What they are asking is for you to EXCUSE the evil they did. I, on the other had, have forgiven myself for not leaving earlier in the relationship. For that, I am truly sorry, you can believe.
Must you forgive to be happy again? The latest research says definitely NO. You can simply move on to a new life and get the narcissist out of your mind and life forever. If you whitewash the narcissist's bad deeds you are helping the N destroy innocent people.
God is also just. Consider this verse: "What does the Lord require of you? To do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God". So, do justice to the narcissist, AND to his future victims, and have mercy on those potential victims by exposing the narcissist's evil.....that's what is both right, and healthy.
Very True L!
ReplyDeleteExcellent! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteGlad I found your blog. I am also a Christian (what some call a "fundie") Anyway, I am a bit upset with preachers who have no idea how downright EVIL these narc-reptiles truely are. Preachers should get up to speed on this, since there is bound to be an abused person in the flock. Yes, we are to forgive BUT we are also to protect ourselves from being dragged into sin. Have listened to many Bible sermons, and very few have touched upon the reality of these wicked pieces-of-drek.
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