HYPER VIGILANCE, TO US, MEANS WALKING ON EGG SHELLS....therapists have a several names for this, including hyper arousal...it means you are constantly on guard for the next round of abuse. It's an easy to notice symptom of PTSD. Now, listen carefully....THE NARCISSIST KNOWS THIS AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE N WANTS. The thing is, it's difficult to overcome, even with NO CONTACT....and, it's why, if you have kids with the N, you need to do minimal contact, as explained on the left side of our Facebook page under Notes.
I met my now wife 5 years after her divorce and she was still highly stressed and hyper vigilant. It took several years of day in and day out in our relationship for this to subside.
However, when she had to be around her NarcX, say, during a grandchild's birthday party, she just shrunk up and cringed. To make matters worse, he started hoovering her, 13 years post divorce...these guys never give it up. She got VERY STRONG BOUNDARIES...and wouldn't accept any excuses for him or his GF talking to her or touching heri. They have to stay across the room.
She's no longer hyper vigilant, but then it's now been 16 years later, and she's done a woman's group and individual therapy for years now. All I can say to you is that it can be difficult, but time will go by whether you begin your recovery or not. If you stay in contact with the N when you could be no contact, then it's going to be impossible for you to recover.
For those of you will children with the narcissist, I understand....I have a son who lives with my wife and me now, but I started this when he was 2. He's now 17. At times, it was terrible since she attacked me for 9 of those years in court. The emotional and financial cost was huge. But, I stuck with it. My son got away from the narcissist and is now doing well, and that makes it all worth it.
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