The Fifteen, Evil, Well Planned and Skillfully Executed Steps of Character Assassination

DISBELIEF!

One, very common, frustration for the Victims/Survivors of the abuse of an N/S/P is that no one will believe you! I hesitate to call it a "frustration" because it is so MUCH MORE than that in reality. 

The effects from this can range from the 

annoying...i.e.strangers that have no power to affect you, believing lies about you, 

to the soul destroying...i.e your own family members turning against you, 

to the life changing....i.e. convincing the court that you are lying, resulting in the loss of your children and/or your ability to support yourself.

The ability of the N/S/P abusers to convince others that we are untruthful, unbalanced, cruel, vindictive, crazy, selfish, back-stabbers, bad parents and a myriad of other things...is their single most life changing "skill". So MANY times it is simply your word against theirs...but even when you have PROOF they are very successful in making others refuse to even CONSIDER at it by convincing them that you are "petty" and "vindictive". 

They CRY to others about how we have HURT them. They PURPOSEFULLY may decide to tell people how very much they LOVED YOU and how THEY are not angry with YOU and how they cannot understand how you could have "turned on them" this way. Often they tell others that they suspect that it is DRUGS or a MENTAL DISORDER and how MUCH they have TRIED to HELP US. It is NOT unknown for them to even produce TEARS in the right places.

They play the hurt "victim" to the HILT while simultaneously tormenting their victims unmercifully and cruelly, causing us ANGER and JUSTIFIABLE RAGE...and then use that very anger and rage to show EVERYONE JUST HOW UNSTABLE YOU ARE. 

When these other people...the "flying monkeys" who buy their stories, attempt to approach us about it, to "reason with us", repeating the lies they have been told...

that they have BELIEVED...we are HURT and ANGRY. Our FIRST reaction is to try to EXPLAIN...to try to CONVINCE...to try to CORRECT the lies. 

THIS ALSO FALLS RIGHT INTO THEIR PLAN...because they have been plotting this out and they KNOW how to arrange everything JUST the way they want it. 

The MORE you speak, the more these people become convinced that the abuser is CORRECT...the angrier you get about the betrayal of the abuser 

AND the flying monkeys....the more they are convinced that the abuser is correct. 

When you, justifiably, become upset that these people you have counted as friends, 

or even family members, your parents, your children, 

have so EASILY BEEN CONVINCED BY LIES...the more you are likely to lash out at them. 

Then, of COURSE, they simply CANNOT UNDERSTAND why YOU are angry at THEM. 

Once again, "The abuser MUST have been correct because you are NOW turning, irrationally and without REASON, EVEN on your friends and family!" 

It is a VICIOUS CYCLE and a trap that is nearly impossible to escape from. 

The ONLY hope is for these people to SEE IT FOR THEMSELVES because you will likely NEVER convince them!

 In an article published by an expert in Narcissism... I saw the words written and 

they rolled around in my head....

"Money, friends, family members, finances, identification, thoughts and emotions are all eventually stolen from the victim leaving them in a position with no resources to leave and no-one to turn to for help, yet the victims do not realize it until it's too late.

The narcissist has usually already ostracized their victim and built up an army of support, should the victim question anything that has happened.

The narcissist's army will help propagate their lies to the victim whilst unknowingly being fooled by those very same lies. They report the thoughts and emotions of the victim back to their narcissistic partner who uses the information to manipulate them even further and to prevent them from finding out the truth.

Stealing a person's thoughts and emotions and attempting to replace them with false thoughts, even to cover something up, is known as mental rape. The narcissist has created their own ring of abusers, they have employed their own army of mental and emotional rapists by manipulating the victim's own family and friends 

- the victim is left isolated.

Should the victim question the narcissist's pathological lies or hidden promiscuous behavior then they will feel the wrath of the narcissist. 

The true victim will suddenly be the one who is insane or paranoid, which the narcissist has already got their friends and family believing 

long before the victim could have ever anticipated.

Although friends and family may know about some of the narcissist's 

one night stands or continued secret long-terms affairs, 

these are already justified in their minds due to the lies the 

narcissist has been telling them about the victim over the years.

The victim has already been ostracized and had their reputation 

destroyed in the background without them even realizing 

what was happening.

By the time the victim figures this out... 

It is already too late."

On one hand, how freeing it was to read this, as it was my exact experience.... 

but truly understanding what he had managed to do to me, WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE, was truly terrifying!

I have a large, very close, family that has survived more than the average amount of suffering and trial and remains close and supportive. My family is full of people who ABSOLUTELY put family first and foremost among all the possessions in the world. The kind of family that is normally supportive of each other.

Even though this is the fact...the "N" still made amazing inroads to garnering 

the support of some members of MY family, even against me. 

THAT IS TRULY AMAZING AND TERRIFYING!

What is even MORE terrifying is the realization that your friends and loved ones have been LISTENING and BEING PREPARED for this for YEARS sometimes...

COLLUDING with the abuser and HIDING IT FROM YOU. 

This is, often, managed by the abuser using the guise of great CONCERN about you. These "flying monkeys" often TRULY believe that the abuser 

LOVES YOU AND IS ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.

The trick is in HOW it is done. It is done SLOWLY and over a period of time (often YEARS)...using a precise methodology similar to the one described below...

*******

Understanding the abuser's methods of assassinating your character 

and stealing your credibility ...

(In Fifteen, Evil, Well Planned and Skillfully Executed Steps)

Step#1 Victim preparation- Convince you (the victim) that the "N" loves you above all else. That they ADORE you and would never harm you in any way

Step#2 Family preparation- Convince family members (both yours and the abusers) that the "N" loves you above all else. That they ADORE you and would never harm you in any way (you help the N in doing this by giving glowing reports of the "love bombing")

Step#3 Support group preparation- Convince friends and acquaintances that the "N" loves you above all else. That they ADORE you and would never harm you in any way (you help the N in doing this by giving glowing reports of his "love bombing")

Step#4 The setup - Carry reports of the N's desperate attempts to "help the victim" with any problem (real or perceived) that may occur. These reports usually contain hints of the victimization of the N who is "trying to help the victim but is receiving nothing in return". In this way the N is starting to be perceived as the "giver" and the victim as the "taker". (During this time the victim is usually still hiding the issues that arise to keep the illusion of the "great love". Since there are no complaints by the victim, it is assumed that the victim is simply "hiding" these issues spoken of by the N)

Step#5 Devaluation begins- The N begins mistreating the victim (while not in the presence of credible witnesses) who, thinking they will have support of friends and family, begin to try to communicate these abuses to their support system.

Step#6 Dismissed- The response of the support system is not unsympathetic, at first, but there is an apparent lack of understanding of the serious nature of the issue. Most abuses you attempt to discuss are ASSUMED to be exaggerated and these are often minimized and dismissed by the support system. THEY have not seen any abuse!The support system has been conditioned to think that the victims issues are prompting the victim to lie about the N.

Step#7 Isolation begins- The victim now sees that they lack TRUE support and are being LARGELY discounted in preference to the N. The victim begins to withdraw and their personality can begin to change

Step#8 Escalation- The N escalates the abuse of the victim (while not in the presence of credible witnesses). The victim believes that they will certainly have support of friends and family due to the, often outrageous, nature of the abuse. They may, again try to communicate these abuses to their support system.

Step#9 The Trap- The response of the support system is largely unsympathetic and, often, the result is a verbal denial of the serious nature of the issue by the support system. The support system has been conditioned to BELIEVE that the victims issues are prompting the victim to lie about the N. The support system believes that these reports of escalated abuse are nothing but MORE FABRICATIONS by the victim.

Step#10 "Please help me to help her/him" - The N carries reports of the "BAD behavior" of the victim (which will be GREATLY EXAGGERATED), to the support system. These "stories" and "pleas for assistance" by the abuser, serve to illustrate the absurd behavior and insanity of the victim to the support system...while maintaining that they still madly love the victim but do not "know how to help them". (The victim, during this step will often give evidence of their own "insanity" by displaying anger and rages at what is being done to them and because they are not being believed)

Step#11 The MARTYR- The support system, having seen evidence of the insanity of the victim, and having been convinced of the good intentions of the N, may begin to pull away from the victim and feel tremendously sorry for the N, and ANGRY AT THE VICTIM. They may begin to agree with the N that they are being unfairly treated and that the N may have no choice but to leave the victim. The N usually maintains the illusion of inability to leave the victim due to the tremendous love they feel for a while longer. Now seen by the support system as the "long-suffering martyr", the N continues to garner more and more support from the victims support system. The Victim becomes more and more isolated.

Step#12 Brainwashed- The victim, seeing that attempts to tell the truth are causing increased isolation and causing the support system to pull away, often give up and increase their tolerance for this abuse. The victim may feel that, if the support system sees the N as being right, maybe they are, and the victim begins to question what is happening and taking on the blame.

Step#13 Giving up- Despite the attempts of the victim to defuse the situation by becoming more passive and tolerating the increased abuse, the N continues to RATCHET UP the abuse. The victim ceases to complain about it because others do not respond as the victim thinks they should. This is very hurtful to the victim as they now realize that there is NOTHING they can do to escape the trap at this point. The victim increases their own isolation.

Step#14 System Compromised - The N may begin to display some, obviously inappropriate behavior, to the support system. Having affairs, making sexual advances to family members, being selfish in spending matters. Each of these acts, by the abuser is blamed on the VICTIM...because "no matter HOW HARD the abuser TRIES to make the victim happy...(the abuser claims to the support system) the victim remains abusive and cruel". Due to the, lengthy, pre-conditioning they have experienced, the support system will often READILY EXCUSE these behaviors. After all... the N has "suffered so much abuse at the hand of the victim....it is OBVIOUS that no human can be expected to tolerate it"...."He/She has TRIED SO HARD!" Because the victim is believed to be at fault, the support system will often COLLUDE with the abuser to HIDE these things from the VICTIM. By this time, many in the "support system" believe that the victim is getting JUST WHAT THEY DESERVE.

Step#15 The end game- If the victim is STILL around, and has not walked, or crawled away, this cycle will continue until the N has exhausted the supply available from the victim .... then they will discard the victim, often with the partial or FULL support of the support system. 
"After all, they deserve some happiness too!" 
The victim, by this time, has often become the "walking dead", depressed, hopeless, unsure of their own ability to make decisions...doubting their own sanity. 
The victim may go through the motions of life but they are hardly alive. 

The support system (which is, by now, supporting ONLY the abuser) sees the victim 

as mentally deranged, drug addicted, mentally ill, purposely cruel or just plain STUPID. The N is seen as a long-suffering martyr...

the victim, as the selfish, lying, abuser. 

Since the support system has been so conditioned, any truth of the victim 

about the abuse of the N is discounted and seen as lies. 

The support system may even BLATANTLY turn on the victim and assist the abuser in taking everything they can from the victim...including the children...because the victim is "OBVIOUSLY INCAPABLE of being a good parent"

By using this method, the NEx actually succeeded in obtaining the temporary loyalty of some members of my support system, despite the fact that they were my FAMILY members and had no reason to believe I was ANYTHING but HONEST and STABLE prior to the entrance of the abuser.

That is the power of the manipulation of a sociopath. 

Their planning is long term and their execution of that plan, often, FLAWLESS.

Before it was over, some of the people in my (very close) family...

• Chose to believe a man who was a stranger only a few years prior and chose to disbelieve me, although they had known me since birth. 
• They hid things from me that they would NEVER have considered hiding from me before. 
• They had PRIOR KNOWLEDGE of his plan to DISCARD ME and never said a word. 
• They KNEW he was having a long-term sexual affair and looked me in the eye and pretended that nothing was happening, every day. 
• They ACTUALLY promised him that they would REMAIN HIS FRIENDS even after he discarded me and walked away. 
• They KNEW that he did not plan to forewarn me or give me time to plan. 
• They COLLUDED with him to deceive me...and, at the time they were doing so, they had absolutely no feeling of shame or remorse for doing so. 
• They truly believed that I DESERVED IT.

Luckily for me, the delusion they were under rapidly faded when they saw how he tried to DESTROY ME.

Remember... they BELIEVED in his GOODNESS, they BELIEVED in his MASK. 

In NO WAY, did they believe they had made a pact with the devil! 

On the contrary! 

They HONESTLY BELIEVED that I was ABUSING HIM...even though they 

never SAW any abuse (as I never committed any)! 

They believed this based SOLELY on what HE TOLD THEM. 

When his MASK fell off, they realized how they had been deceived and 

what they had helped him do to me. 

They saw the EVIL that was truly there and, suddenly, 

their eyes were opened.

Knowing how MANY things he had convinced ME to believe and what

 I had done as a result of my belief in his mask...

I can honestly say that the damages within my family have been repaired. 

How can I blame them for falling for the same mask that I fell for?

These abusers are very gifted at their evil games and the results are nothing less 

than truly mind-blowing! 

Maybe that is why we, as the victims, learn to DREAD their ANGER.

We KNOW what they are capable of and what they will do to win.

Seeing that depth of evil is something that no one can be prepared for...

and each one must SEE FOR THEMSELVES in order to be convinced that it exists.

Once they do, they/we are never quite the same....