Thursday, September 10, 2015


I remember when I was a kid. We had superheroes, and we also had the superhero decoder ring that let us decode what a message REALLY said. Well, narc speak is like that. There's what he says, and then, there's what THAT ACTUALLY MEANS. Here's some examples, but I bet you have others, which you can post below:

HE SAYS: You're twisting my words. That's out of context.
HE MEANS: Crap! You're uncomfortably close to the truth. I need to rephrase that to confuse you and I'll make you out to be a bad person for actually seeing the truth. Or maybe I'll call you crazy or argumentative.

HE SAYS: You're controlling me. I have to walk on egg shells. You're being abusive.
HE MEANS: I'm controlling and YOU walk on egg shells and this is to cover up my abusiveness. (A prime example of “projection”).

HE SAYS: If you loved me, you'd do X. If you loved me, you'd know what I need.
HE MEANS: I'm going to manipulate you into doing something you really don't want to do and maybe are queasy about. If you loved me you'd be a mind reader and spend your time constantly trying to figure out how to please me....which, by the way, will never work.

HE SAYS: We're soul mates. I've never felt this close to anyone.
HE MEANS: You're an ideal target and a perfect victim. I can drain you dry getting supply.

HE SAYS: Quit trying to change me! You're so manipulative.
HE MEANS: If you think I'm going to change, there's not a snowball's chance in hell of that happening. Why would I change? I'm perfect just the way I am.

HE SAYS; Besides, you hate change.
HE MEANS; If you change and see the light, I'll discard you in a second.

HE SAYS: I love you more than you can imagine. We're not a couple, though.
HE MEANS: Ha! Gotcha! You have NO IDEA what's going on. Your confusion equals my control.

HE SAYS: You're just not attractive anymore. You're fat (or too thin). You don't turn me on anymore.
HE MEANS: I found new victims and they are feeding me supply like crazy, and I'm screwing my brains out with them and so have nothing left for you.

HE SAYS; You're frigid.
HE MEANS; If you don't get anything out of sex, either because I don't care about your needs or because I'm so abusive you can't get into the mood, that's YOUR problem.

HE SAYS: I didn't mean that at all! You're putting words into my mouth! You're twisting my words.
HE MEANS: You've caught on, so it's time for a diverting personal attack. Besides, twisting words is MY thing, not yours.

HE SAYS: If I'm abusing you, why do you keep coming back?
HE MEANS: I love blaming the victim...ha ha, it's your fault I abuse you.

HE SAYS: You're not grateful for what I do for you.
HE MEANS: I'M not grateful for anything and no matter what you do, it won't ever be enough.

HE SAYS: What happened to that fun loving girl I fell in love with?
HE MEANS; After a while, every woman starts to bore me and I need to prowl new pastures for victims.

HE SAYS......OK, I'll stop there, because if I kept going, this would make a book.

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