Thursday, September 24, 2015

Examples of Frequently Chosen Personas

Examples of frequently Chosen “Persona” Attributes …
Each of these attributes can be adopted by males and females and are utilized in the creation of the new persona.

There are many things that a narcissist will consider prior to adopting a new persona. These are not necessarily conscious THOUGHTS and PLANS by the predator. These consideration come as naturally to them as our ABC's come to us. That is why they make such effective liars. They lie EFFORTLESSLY and without thought, plan or pause. This makes them very believable. They are very quick to create new lies if it appears that something is not being believed. This "skill" is one of the predators greatest allies. Some things the predator must consider include:
  • Have they already targeted a victim (so they will adapt the persona to suit that victim) or are they taking on the persona so they can begin targeting new victims?
  • What are they trying to hide?
  • What are they trying to gain...what is the desired pay off?
  • What environment are they in?
  • What will be most readily accepted and praised?
  • What lessons did they learn from the prior victim?
  • Are they adopting the persona of an existing person or character or are they creating their own persona from scratch?
  • What are their current interests and can they be adapted into the persona?
  • What "baggage", beliefs or stereotypes does the predator bring into the relationship? (Often, even when they try NOT to...even when they are UNAWARE that they carry these beliefs and stereotypes, they are SO INGRAINED in the predator that they automatically incorporate them into every persona. If the prey was aware that they were being targeted...these might be one of the first, noticeable, red flags. Often these beliefs are so ridiculous and contradictory that it would be apparent to us....if we were not being primed by the love-bombing. These are beliefs the predator assume to be FACTS and assumes that OTHERS believe as well. In their black and white thinking, they often do not consider these beliefs OPINIONS and, therefore, they never consider that the prey will not see it the same way. Since they never consider that they could be MISTAKEN, these are incorporated as part, and parcel, of the persona).
  • If the victim has already been targeted...what knowledge of the predator does the victim already have and what parts of this knowledge cannot be denied or altered?
The persona (as a whole) will include appearance, costume (clothing) and pre-planned story lines as well as the ATTRIBUTES of the person they are attempting to emulate. The predator will "tweak" these attributes, and the persona as a whole, once they have targeted a victim and have begun gathering information and intel. They alter the persona to be the most effective over the targeted prey.
As they gather information about the targets past, family life, weaknesses, daily routines and beliefs, it is necessary for the persona to be adapted to the prey in order to create an effective trap.

Most targeted victims will begin the relationship with, at LEAST, some minimal boundaries. Prior to beginning to eradicate these boundaries, the predator is WELL AWARE that they must carefully avoid crossing them during the "love-bombing stage". Later, the predator will begin to invade these boundaries, challenging them, over-riding them. They slowly increase the preys tolerance for having no boundaries at all.

Some of these attributes do not SEEM attractive or positive to the majority of us...but each has its uses and reasons for existence.

The Popular Player 

- Appearance: The popular player attribute is an admission that the predator has many past relationships and an insinuation that there are many other people interested in them or pursuing them.

- Goal: To increase the value of the predator in the eyes of the prey. To create a sense of urgency in the prey which allows the quick escalation of the relationship. To pressure the prey into "competition" (often with a figment of the predators imagination) and encourage immediate compliance and attempts to please the avoid "losing them" to someone else.
Assumptions made by the predator (in many cases wrong assumptions)

- Common actions: Predator may verbalize that they are being "stalked" or "harassed" by someone who desires a relationship with them. Claims to be very busy. Constant phone calls and messages. Mentions of contact with other possible sexual partners. Assurances that there is "nothing going on" and that they are not doing anything to encourage this behavior. Claims of people "coming on to them" at work, church, social gatherings, etc. "Accidentally" calling you by the wrong name (ONLY in the very beginning usually- this can be a risky move)

- Successful Outcome :
The victim will feel that the predator is a "catch" and feel an urgency not to "lose them". The victim may also be in a hurry to obtain a commitment from the predator. Often the victim feels like the ones who let them go were, obviously, stupid.  The predator will end up with more psychological power in the budding relationship although it is common for the prey to feel that they are actually in a position of power at this time.

- Possible backfires:
Occasionally, the prey will make an early decision that they are not interested in "competing" for the attention of the predator OR the prey may have such low self-esteem that they feel unable to compete or unworthy of the predator. This can lead the prey to back off from the relationship. If this happens, the predator is usually quick to assure the prey that they will "put an end to this nonsense" due to blooming feelings of love. Often this is effective in keeping the prey engaged. The predator will either do  this damage control or will move on to other prey....depending upon the payoff expected from this prey,

The King/Queen

- Appearance: The King/Queen attribute seeks to advise the prey that the predator is Accustomed to being treated above others in many settings. Since the predator is so highly regarded by so many people, they must be valuable and special indeed. Expectation is set that the will be given priority in the relationship as well...although this is not usually verbalized.

- Goal: To increase the value of the predator in the eyes of the prey. To create a feeling that they must be WORTHY of being treated with such respect and that they must be very valuable. This often begins the process of creating a superior/inferior pattern in the relationship with the predator being estimated to be SUPERIOR. The prey may begin to feel as though they are "lucky" and undeserving of such an impressive person. These feelings are usually not expressed verbally but this sets the tone for a relationship that is unequal... with power and importance being unevenly distributed.

- Common actions: They will often exaggerate their own power in the nuclear family or in the workplace. They will often brag about the high level of respect afforded to them by family members, peers and their children. and exaggerate the importance of their job or functions. Frequently there are stories of great work pressures and stress as well as special commendations, bonuses...superiors asking them for their opinion or assistance... superiors affording them special privileges not given to other workers. Much of the time this info is given in a "self-deprecating" manner with the predator stating they "cannot understand WHY they are seen as so valuable".

- Successful Outcome:
The Prey/Victim will begin to operate in the relationship as an Inferior to the predators Superior. This can be subtle, at first, but marks the beginning of an imbalance in the relationship which assigns special privilege and rights to the predator and encourages the prey to defer to the predator in many things.

- Possible backfires:
The prey may begin to see the predator as "pushy" and "cocky" and this may cause the prey to begin backing out of the relationship. The predator will, then, either do damage control or will move on to other prey....depending upon the payoff expected from this prey.

The Rebel and Bad-ass

- Appearance: The message to the prey is that the predator makes decisions that might not be in line with what others might decide. This is sold as a PLUS but is often meant to cover for an inability to get along with others...keep steady employment...trouble with the authorities. Being viewed as the CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR  allows many issues to be swept under the rug and allows the predator to come out looking like a hero for socially unacceptable behavior.

- Goal: To increase the tolerance of the prey/victim for unilateral, arbitrary, and often irrational decisions and actions.

- Common actions: Predator will commonly talk about their moral superiority and their high principles which cause them to take actions that might, otherwise be questioned. Often, the predator has many "war stories" about how others are unfair to them or try to "screw them" and how they REFUSE to accept this even if their resulting actions are full of bad consequences. Predators LOVE to tell stories of their arguments and conflicts, particularly with service people or others they consider to be BELOW them. They will retell stories of screaming and inappropriate behavior toward service people...up to, and including, having people FIRED for daring to DISRESPECT them. Often, they tell these stories with a gleam in their eye and a great deal of pride.

- Successful Outcome:
The Prey/Victim will begin to see the predator as, obviously, Superior and may begin to see them as being correct in these actions. This increases the imbalance in the relationship which assigns special privilege and rights to the predator and encourages the prey to defer to the predator in many things. The victim may begin to see the predator as their "protector" and to rely on the predator to "do the talking".

- Possible backfires:
Emotionally healthier prey may begin to see the predator as cruel, cocky and unreasonable and this may cause the prey to begin backing out of the relationship. The predator will, then, either do damage control or will move on to other prey....depending upon the payoff expected from this prey.

The Misunderstood/Unlucky

- Appearance: The predator desires to be seen as an upstanding, moral, superior person who is simply misunderstood and often "unfairly accused" of  evil deeds.

- Goal: To decrease the likelihood that the prey will challenge the predator in any way. Increase the likelihood that the predator will be viewed as a very valuable, misunderstood asset who simply needs someone to take the time to understand them.

- Common actions: The predator often tells stories of unfair treatment, false accusations and persecution. This "persecution" will often be blamed on the jealousy of the others involved or on a desire for some type of revenge against them. During these stories, the predator is unlikely ever to identify even one thing that they did to cause the situation or to make it worse. They are totally "misunderstood" and if people "realized how GREAT they were... things would have worked out fine". The predator will often go so far as to say that if others only did as they told them or followed the advise of the predator... "Their lives would be so much better!"

- Successful Outcome:
The prey/victim will have ever increasing respect for the struggles of the predator and try very hard to be understanding and supportive. Prey will show great amounts of sympathy and will be unlikely to question the validity of any issues or accusations made against the predator.

- Possible backfires:
More emotionally healthy prey may begin to question this reported, frequent persecution and its validity. May begin to question the predator about their part in these conflicts or their handling of these conflicts.  The predator will, then, either do damage control, utilize anger to shut down the prey (if they can) or will move on to other prey....depending upon the payoff expected from this prey.

The Abused

- Appearance: The predator desires to be seen as victimized and taken advantage of in all other relationships and to be seen as BLAMELESS for any issues I past relationships.

- Goal: To increase the desire of the prey to treat the predator "fairly". make up for what others have "done to them", give them copious amounts of attention, love and admiration. To garner pity and unquestioned support of the prey so that they will not believe anything they hear to the contrary. To make the new victim FEAR the ex partners so that there will be no communication between them.

- Common actions: Predator will CONSTANTLY bad mouth all previous partners and often include descriptions of "demented, unstable, abusive, cruel, dangerous, crazy, etc." They will tell really unbelievable stories about the abuses heaped upon them by the ex's and include explanations of why they did not walk away. These explanations, invariably, include descriptions of the predators great patience, loyalty and love as well as multiple examples of how they attempted to HELP the abuser before FINALLY having "no choice" but to walk away.

- Successful Outcome:
The prey will fear and hate the ex partners for their abuse of such a "wonderful, compassionate" person. The exes and the prey will not communicate at all so that this description of the ex is not questioned or found to be a lie.

- Possible backfires:
More emotionally healthy prey may begin to question how one person managed to find so many demented, crazy, abusive partners and begin to ask questions about the predators part in the conflicts  The predator will, then, either do damage control, utilize anger or threats of abandonment to shut down the prey (if they can) or will move on to other prey....depending upon the payoff expected from this prey.

The Sexual Slave

- Appearance: The predator often desires to be seen in a very specific way, sexually. They do not want to seem as though they JUST desire SEX...but they want to convince the prey that the REASON they desire sex with them is because they are hopelessly, helplessly, smitten and in love with THEM. They go above, and beyond, to convince the prey that they "cannot stand to be away from them" and "cannot keep their hands off them!"
- Goal: To make the prey believe that this relationship is one of a kind, in the STARS, SOULMATES. To make the prey begin to equate unlimited, boundary-less sex with UNDYING that when the abuser STRAYS they will blame themselves.
- Common actions: The predator will often CONSTANTLY make sexual comments and overtures...telling the prey "It has never been like this before!" They romanticize sex to the point where they make it into a type of prayer and worship. Sex is made into the basis of the relationship so that any REFUSAL of sex becomes paramount to BETRAYAL in their eyes and the prey is hesitant to add, change or alter the sexual encounters.

- Successful Outcome:
The prey will engage in any sexual act demanded (err...requested) by the predator whether or not it is enjoyable. The prey will not refuse sex and this will be placed as first priority in the relationship. The prey will NEVER attempt to alter the sex or state what is bothering them about it because they have been taught that this will NOT be accepted by the predator. The prey becomes an object of sex and is not allowed to effect any changes.

- Possible backfires:
More emotionally healthy prey may begin to feel pressured and out of control. They may begin to resist and refuse to participate in acts desired by the predator. The predator will, then, either do damage control, utilize guilt, anger or threats of abandonment to force compliance  of the prey (if they can) or will move on to other prey....depending upon the payoff expected from this prey.

Sally Home-Maker/The Family Guy

- Appearance: This is a type of "future faking". The predator convinces the prey that they are "ready to settle down" they profess putting a great deal of stock in FAMILY VALUES...or CHILDREN. This causes the prey to begin to think in terms of long-term happiness and encourages the prey to overlook "small, current, temporary issues" in favor of considering the log-term happiness of the situation. This is very effective in allowing the predator to frame some very IMPORTANT issues as  "small, current, temporary issues" that are never allowed to be discussed or concerned about.
- Goal: To increase the preys tolerance for accepting the unacceptable in the HERE AND NOW, in hopes of a happy long-term future that will never arrive.
- Common actions: The predator will evaluate what the prey sees as important in the long term....what they are looking for. The predator then mirrors back this behavior...becomes a gardener, a great cook, a lover of children, etc. etc. The majority of this is TALK and not action. The predator will talk about the GLORIOUS FUTURE you will have together and discount any issue the prey identifies as "unimportant, petty or silly".

- Successful Outcome:
The prey, over time, becomes increasingly tolerant, and silent, about nearly all abusive behaviors of the predator. They begin to "buy-in" to what they predator tells them...that these things are petty, unimportant and silly. The prey also becomes used to pretending that everything is fine and begins to wonder if they are "too sensitive" or "expecting perfection". Often, eventually, the prey ceases to attempt to affect any change in the behavior of the predator and will DEFEND and bad behavior that is pointed out by others.
The Sainted Forgiver

- Appearance: The predator will convince the prey to divulge all manner of secrets and transgressions. They will take in this information and appear to be EXTREMLY supportive of the prey. There is NOTHING that they cannot excuse or forgive. They make themselves "your personal Jesus" with the power to forgive all your past sins and mistakes.
- Goal: To increase the preys dependence on the predator. To gather intel for later use in gaslighting, character assassination and turning your support system against you. To make the prey FEAR going against the predator knowing that they have embarrassing or harming information. 
- Common actions: Predator will appear to be supremely supportive. They will encourage you to "unburden yourself". They will ask multitudes of questions and try to obtain intimate information. As the prey divulges this info the predator will often act "shocked" or make comments about how "others would NOT understand but I do. I forgive you because I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" Each of these facts is carefully committed to memory for later use in controlling the prey, if possible, or DESTROYING the prey if out of control. The predator very SELDOM gives any such information about THEMSELVES to the prey.

- Successful Outcome:
The prey begins to feel very enmeshed with the predator and begins to feel as though no one else on EARTH would love them if they "KNEW THE TRUTH". This increases the fear of loss of the predator and the urgent NEED to make them happy so they will not abandon the prey. LATER, when things start going downhill, the knowledge of what the predator KNOWS comes into play in keeping the prey feeling trapped and without options.

The Religious and Moral Right

- Appearance: The predator often enters the picture shouting out their moral decency and lack of any mistakes or sins in the past. While THEY are blameless, pure and sinless...they are ALSO willing to forgive the PREY for THEIR "egregious and awful" list of mortal sins. This also continues to increase the preys feeling that the predator is SUPERIOR and that they are inferior.
- Goal: To continue to increase the preys dependence on the predator for "cover" and "protection"
- Common actions: In order for this to work the predator MUST deny any past mistakes or guilt. This is one place that the "assassination of the ex" comes into play. If they were to admit the things they did to the ex, they can HARDLY be seen as the ex MUST become insane, demented and evil in their story. They will loudly profess that they had NO BLAME in the demise of the relationship and that they made an EXTRAORDINARY effort to "help" the ex overcome their terrible behaviors.  Often these predators profess devout religion as a cover for this lie. "How could someone who is such a person of God, do the awful things the predator is accused of?! It MUST be a lie!"

- Successful Outcome:
The prey will buy into the predator's devout religion or moral highroad as a reason to believe the, often transparent, lies of the abuser. This also puts the prey in an inferior position and lifts the predator onto a pedestal. The prey may cease to question or point out any discrepancies in the retold stories and choose to buy the whole thing as is. Any attempt, by the prey, to seek clarity or point out changes to the story will be met with "How DARE YOU question ME!?" This is effective in stopping further questioning by the prey.

The Brain

- Appearance: The predator will claim superior intellect or memory...or even common sense.
- Goal: The prey will begin to question themselves about the most mundane details of daily life and seek the advise and permission of the predator prior to making ANY DECISION.
- Common actions: This is one place that gaslighting comes into play. The predator will begin, over time, to convince the prey that they are "forgetful. imagining things, hopelessly disorganized and prone to irrational decisions". Often, this is achieved through gaslighting techniques. The prey begins to question their own abilities and sanity. At first, the predator will increasingly taunt and tease about the prey "being blonde" or "completely helpless". Later, this becomes tirades of the prey being told they are "useless" and "cannot be trusted" and eventually "You could not SURVIVE without ME!"

- Successful Outcome:
Over a period of time, the prey forgets that they WERE able to survive before the appearance of the predator... they become CONVINCED that they are losing their minds or that they cannot SURVIVE without the predator. Often, they will no longer take the chance of making ANY type of decision, instead, deferring all decisions and control to the predator as a means of self-defense.

The Youthful Hearted Joker

- Appearance: The predator likes to play jokes and tease. Over time, this becomes merciless. The jokes and teasing are often mean-spirited and the only one who gets any amusement is the predator.
- Goal: To teach the prey to maintain silence or feign amusement at things that are NOT FUNNY. To dismiss cruelty as a JOKE. The prey learns that any attempt to point out this cruelty will result in them being castigated for not "having a sense of humor" or being an "old prude".
- Common actions: The predator disguises his evil and cruelty as jokes. Anyone who does not find them amusing is seen as an idiot. He/she may do intentionally cruel things to the prey, the children and even total strangers. These "jokes" are often aimed at people the predator considers inferior. No one is safe from being the target...not the disabled, not the elderly.

- Successful Outcome:
Over a period of time the prey learns that they cannot control this evil in the predator and that, if they try, they will be punished and berated. Eventually, the prey often learns to ignore this or pretend to find it amusing while, internally, feeling very guilty and taking responsibility for the harm done by the abuser. The predator will, often, draw the prey into these "jokes" making them guilty by association. ANY ATTEMPT to control this behavior of the predator will likely result in threats of abandonment or, at least, total dismissal of the prey by the predator.

The Poor But Proud

- Appearance: The predator, OFTEN, starts out the relationship as the giver...loudly declaring that while they "do not have much, they would GLADLY give all they have to YOU". They give the prey all manner of small gifts designed to show their generosity. This is all planned so that, at the right time, they can begin to extract your resources. Once the prey has accepted the fact that the predator would give them the "shirt off their backs" it would seem to EPITOME of selfishness NOT to give them what they need!
- Goal: To convince the prey that they are generous and self-sufficient and then to turn the tables and become parasites who, often, live off the prey.
- Common actions: At the beginning of the relationship, the predator will CAREFULLY plan to appear to be poor but generous. They may not have MUCH. but what they have, they will gladly give to YOU. They will often insist on paying their own way and quickly DECLINE any offer of money or assistance...all the while telling the prey how very much they need it! They will feign great PRIDE in being self-sufficient and make a great SHOW of demonstrating how they are DISTINCTLY DISINTERESTED in your financial assets. This is a stroke of GENIUS on their part! Over time, the tables will turn and the prey will be giving everything to them...the prey will begin to INSIST on it...then later, realize that the predator is actually TAKING far more than they are giving...and the predator displays NO APPRECIATION.

- Successful Outcome:The prey will feel COMPELLED and OBLIGED to share all resources with the predator. This is likely to increase to the point of the prey denying their own needs and giving the predator whatever they desire. If the prey makes mention of this, at any time, the predator will do whatever is necessary to make them feel guilt and shame about it. Combined with the guilt and shame the prey is already internally feeling, this can be truly devastating.

These are but a few, of the MANY, mind games and manipulations that the predator uses to subdue their prey....US. It is fairly obvious that this is a well laid plan and it is repeated over and over. Whether male or female, the predators truly are heartless and evil.


  1. Is it possible to have aspects from multiple personas or to switch personas as needed? My Narc x definitely embodies the Abused, The Bad Ass, The Youthful Hearted Joker and The Unlucky. It seems like his persona of choice with his new prey nowadays is the Abused. It gives him the opportunity to start fresh with someone else without fear of the damage he's left behind coming back to haunt him.

    1. Oh yes! They can switch attributes in the middle of a SENTENCE if they see that the conversation is not going their way! Since they usually do not have any TRUE personality (accept the manipulative user which is always there) they can fake one just about as well as another. They ARE what they NEED TO BE to get WHAT THEY WANT!

  2. Hi, I would like to get your permission to use part of this in my blog. Of course all credit will go to you, and if you'd like I will include a link to this or your home page.



    My email address is