He's a handy list about what you might see on your first date, or soon thereafter. Having one of these...yea, I get that. Having several...watch out. I'll bet you have some others as well, so post them below if you will, and clue us in.
- Pay careful attention to how he interacts with
the wait staff. Flirting is a definite red flag. But so are
unjustified complaints about the food and service...especially his
thinking the staff are not sufficiently attentive to him. He's a
poor tipper, or is over the top and showy with his tips.
- The critic...he critiques everything. Beware,
he'll end up doing the same thing to you. He has complaints about
his job, and especially about his exes. Life has been unfair to him
and he finds fault with a lot of people, especially if they
inconvenience him. These are signs of entitlement, and that's a
huge red flag.
- Demands the best seating and gets angry if he
doesn't get it. We all want good seats in a restaurant, but when
it's busy, that isn't always possible, and we understand, except to
him, it's a personal affront, an insult not to get the best seating,
which, in his mind, he deserves.
- He's VERY charming....almost like he's had
practice...which he has, and if you've got a waitress, chances are
he's looking for supply even from her. Some narcissists have
terrible social skills, but some have superb social skills, which
they use to gain admiration and attention, and and audience for his
stories. Is he doing whatever he can to be the center of attention
in a group? One day he may be using these skills to demean and
attack you, and to recruit flying monkeys when he discards you.
- He drops you off and you think...what does he
really know about me, even though he's already love bombing you as
being “all that”? I mean, did he ask about your interests, your
family, your trips, your personal views, your faith, your political
views, your preference in wine, or in food? No? That's a red
flag...he spent the night getting you to focus on and admire HIM.
Chances are, the relationship will be all about him.
- He's over the top with his attention and
admiration of you...without really getting to know the real you he
makes you feel special...providing you are giving him supply. And,
he's SOOO attracted to you, especially physically, and lets you know
that. He really wants immediate physical intimacy and seems to be
saying that he'll carry this out over the long run if you do. He is
satisfying his need for control and sex, and he may use sex as a
means of control over you.
- He thinks you OWE him...I mean, he bought you an
expensive dinner, after all, and graced you with his presence, now
you need to pay off. You need to show your gratitude....THAT way,
and later, worship at his feet as your knight in shining armor. He
seems great, but you get this feeling that if you don't “come
though”, you won't see him again. Warning, that's manipulation
and a sign of things to come.
- He is SOOOO romantic that the chemistry,
especially the physical chemistry, is extremely strong....so he's
letting you know that this is a sign that you're soul mates. But,
keep in mind, he's manipulating you to make for really hot
chemistry...as he always does. This guy is a total player and knows
how to get to you. He's going to push, and it's going to be hard to
resist, as he intends, since that gives him a sense of power. This
guy has a harem and wants you to add you to it....he's got the
practice. Know yourself...if you have a history of disastrous fatal
attractions to bad boys, SLOW THING DOWN...way down. Yea, I know
it's hard, but worth it.
So, when I met my now wife, I had learned my lesson, and we both were for really, really taking our time. It was worth it, believe me. She knew that if I was willing to wait months that my interest was exactly what it seemed to be. So, as difficult as it will be, IMHO, make the guy wait. If he won't, he's not the one. I recommend the Steve Harvey book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”