I remember when I was a
kid. We had superheroes, and we also had the superhero decoder ring
that let us decode what a message REALLY said. Well, narc speak is
like that. There's what he says, and then, there's what THAT
ACTUALLY MEANS. Here's some examples, but I bet you have others,
which you can post below:
HE SAYS: You're twisting
my words. That's out of context.
HE MEANS: Crap! You're
uncomfortably close to the truth. I need to rephrase that to confuse
you and I'll make you out to be a bad person for actually seeing the
truth. Or maybe I'll call you crazy or argumentative.
HE SAYS: You're
controlling me. I have to walk on egg shells. You're being abusive.
HE MEANS: I'm controlling
and YOU walk on egg shells and this is to cover up my abusiveness.
(A prime example of “projection”).
HE SAYS: If you loved me,
you'd do X. If you loved me, you'd know what I need.
HE MEANS: I'm going to
manipulate you into doing something you really don't want to do and
maybe are queasy about. If you loved me you'd be a mind reader and
spend your time constantly trying to figure out how to please
me....which, by the way, will never work.
HE SAYS: We're soul
mates. I've never felt this close to anyone.
HE MEANS: You're an ideal
target and a perfect victim. I can drain you dry getting supply.
HE SAYS: Quit trying to
change me! You're so manipulative.
HE MEANS: If you think
I'm going to change, there's not a snowball's chance in hell of that
happening. Why would I change? I'm perfect just the way I am.
HE SAYS; Besides, you
hate change.
HE MEANS; If you change
and see the light, I'll discard you in a second.
HE SAYS: I love you more
than you can imagine. We're not a couple, though.
HE MEANS: Ha! Gotcha!
You have NO IDEA what's going on. Your confusion equals my control.
HE SAYS: You're just not
attractive anymore. You're fat (or too thin). You don't turn me on
anymore.
HE MEANS: I found new
victims and they are feeding me supply like crazy, and I'm screwing
my brains out with them and so have nothing left for you.
HE SAYS; You're frigid.
HE MEANS; If you don't
get anything out of sex, either because I don't care about your needs
or because I'm so abusive you can't get into the mood, that's YOUR
problem.
HE SAYS: I didn't mean
that at all! You're putting words into my mouth! You're twisting my
words.
HE MEANS: You've caught
on, so it's time for a diverting personal attack. Besides, twisting
words is MY thing, not yours.
HE SAYS: If I'm abusing
you, why do you keep coming back?
HE MEANS: I love blaming
the victim...ha ha, it's your fault I abuse you.
HE SAYS: You're not
grateful for what I do for you.
HE MEANS: I'M not
grateful for anything and no matter what you do, it won't ever be
enough.
HE SAYS: What happened to
that fun loving girl I fell in love with?
HE MEANS; After a while,
every woman starts to bore me and I need to prowl new pastures for
victims.
HE SAYS......OK, I'll stop
there, because if I kept going, this would
make a book.
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