I'm not the narcissist...YOU ARE. When the narcissist plays the victim...

Not only do narcissists play the victim, they often fool a lot of people, for one simple reason...they are terrible hypocrites. In Greek drama, actors held large masks over their faces, painted to represent the character they were portraying. That's why narcissists and sociopaths are said to wear a mask behind which they hide. In the play, the true identity of the actor was concealed, and the player was engaged in impersonation and deception, and assumed the speech, mannerisms, and apparent character of another, thus hiding his true identity. Sound familiar? It should. This is the narcissist.

And, one of the narcissist's most persistent characters is that of victim, for several reasons. It allows the narcissist to gain sympathy from those who would otherwise despise him, and it allows him to confuse others about what you are saying about him. My NX had a marvelous habit: whatever crazy and destructive thing the NX was doing, the NX would claim THAT I WAS DOING EXACTLY THAT. Cheating, lying, being financially irresponsible, being abusive...I was accused of it all. In fact, it even confused the first Guardian ad Litem that we had, who imagined the cross allegations were “he said, she said”. And, by the way, my NX even used to play the victim with me before I got wise.

It's a real ego trip for the narcissist to fool people this way, especially since the target is a compassion driven person who is likely empathetic with those who are hurt and oppressed. It's not unusual for the narcissist's next victim to be drawn from this group. They will milk it for all it's worth.

Some people see through the narcissist in the end, but many do not, and these people are the ones you simply have to let go. However, among these people might be your own children, or step children. That's unfortunate, but the way we handle this is to hold fast to your truth and to not be bullied. Be polite and recognize their confusion, realizing they are being pulled into the narcissist's web of manipulation. Another post will deal with the problem of parenting minor children when complete “no contact” is not possible. But, it goes without saying that you should stay away from the narcissist as much as possible.